Black dog

First of all I want to start by saying I hope you'e well Tom.

After reading the messages on here I want you to know you are not alone with experiencing anxiety as I have done in waves coming and going all my life. 

I recently suffered bad last October I also think partly was to blame because of change in my workplace a manager having to move for a few months but not only a manager a person I felt comfortable with communicating with as I feel he understands my struggles always tells me not to worry when I often question too many things.

Unfortunately the replacement manager was the opposite and as I felt there was no longer anybody I could feel comfortable communicating with anything that bothers me I was just having to get on with things. I really do not like change even my previous manage saying "you like your comfort blanket" and I remember thinking yes I do.

One of the worst experiences was about 7 years ago when I made the decision to move towns and get a transfer to a new site but same job. I felt like I was cracking up I had to go and visit the new workplace a few days before to try and familiarise myself. I needed to know how to get there and where could I park.

I made the dreaded decision to meet the new manager I was nervous as hell in doing so I parked my car outside the depot on yellow lines leaving my wife in the car for 25 minutes not realising everyone from the depot was beeping there horn at her as they passed, until she had a go at me questioning me in the car afterwards it was all too much to take in so I had a massive outburst in the car something I'm not proud of but I cannot handle too much pressure etc 

Not long after as I felt I was cracking up I went to see my GP who prescribed me some medication and sent me off for Cognitive Therapy Sessions. The meds helped with the anxiety levels and also the therapy sessions but I remember thinking it doesn't help me not enjoy change or give me words so I can have conversations with people.

I'm the type of person who will fight over flight even though I can often feel extreme anxiety or nervousness it' just me I'm a determined person.

Anyway the point of my story is stay strong you are not alone I hope you feel better.

Thoughts and Prayers said:

I have the suicidal black dog now. It's just unbearable.

I hate being a loner. I hate not fitting in with others.

Anxiety spoils everything.

Sorry to hear that, Nada. I've been through it too. Try something a bit different today, and don't forget the Samaritans, 116 123.

Mine was the worst I'd had.  I really didn't think I would turn the corner with it.  A couple of weeks on, though, and I'm starting to do something that I never thought I'd be able to do again: read.  I'm re-reading Conrad's 'Heart of Darkness', appropriately enough!  First read it as an undergrad 30 years ago.  It means far more to me this time around.  In some ways, this tale about a journey into the darkness of both the Congo and the human soul is a metaphor for the journey I've just taken.

Work, too, has helped me - surprisingly.  Although yesterday I had a bit of a set-back.  I was assigned to some favourite service users and was looking forward to things - but then it got changed around to suit other people and I ended up getting very angry and stressed in the afternoon.  But seeing the other staff all hanging around together and messing with their b****y phones and chatting about superficial rubbish made me glad once again to be outside of it all.  Glad to be me.  Which isn't always an easy thing to pull off.

I had about 3 or 4 weeks of it myself but I'm coming out of it now. My problem was everyone I did have to deal with was being a nightmare, until I got so anxious I went into myself. Anxiety is a ***. I know they aren't people but you have got your bikes. I wish I had something where I had to get outside to have fun. I spend too much time inside alone myself. Hope you have a better day tomorrow. Hopefully you can have a good rip on the Aprilla somewhere where you can kill it.

I have the suicidal black dog now. It's just unbearable.

I hate being a loner. I hate not fitting in with others.

Anxiety spoils everything.

I want to continue to give things a rest here for a while.

I'll be around again when I'm ready.

Good Fortune to you from myself, Mr. Martain Tom, and also to Daisy the Cat, of course. I have not contributed to this Thread until now, yet I quote what you say there Sir, in total support of it. Please look after yourself as you feel, since, no-one knows how you feel better than yourself. No matter how long that takes. (Also, Within your own Thread(s), do not worry about being "useful" to others too much, either. Options turning into obligation should not turn into a damaging thing, I think.)

I'm so sorry.  I had no intention to worry anyone unnecessarily.

Don't sweat it, Tom. No need to apologise. We all go through tough times.

Take as much time as you need away. It's just good to know nothing untoward has happened. 

Stay safe, see you around mate. 

Thanks for letting us know Tom! A friend of mine, part of our art and theatre group, once went to a deep depression and the consequences were not good. That's why I got concerned. The main thing is that we know you are sorting things

Same from me Tom. 

Best wishes Tom. 

As always, look after yourself, and try to spend more time with cats rather than dogs. 

Hello folks,

I'm so sorry.  I had no intention to worry anyone unnecessarily.  I don't even remember writing that last post.  I was in such an awful spiral of depression that I disengaged.  I didn't think I could say anything useful to anyone on here and I didn't want to keep going on about how I was feeling.  The problem was made much worse by the fact that I was drinking too much.  I managed to stop that.  I was dreading returning to work - but that's actually been helpful.  Once I was back with the service users, I was back in their world - which lifted me out of mine (though, in many ways, they're the same).  I feel better now.  But it was the most horrible time.  All those anniversaries, one on top of the other.  I truly underestimated the effect it would all have.  Like a tsunami.  Like the whole of life catching up all over again.

I want to continue to give things a rest here for a while.  I'm sorry again for raising concerns.  I only realised when I saw this thread again earlier.  I'll be around again when I'm ready.

Take care all - and thank you for your patience and friendship.

Tom

Tom - if you have been in hospital, or walked out and gone travelling, or even got banged up for graffiting in  neon letters that your company stinks, please get back to us to let us know if you are ok.

I'd started a friend request for Former Member.  because he seemed like a very kind and interesting guy and I thought we might have things in common. I think that was a little more than 10 days ago, and he didn't respond. It sounded like he was having trouble keeping his mask up, triggered by the recent injustice and loss of a supportive colleague at work. Maybe the forum was too much? Somewhere on here, he said he could feel that 'something was coming'.

In fact, Alexandra-mod the mods must have his email. Would it be inappropriate to drop him a line to check he's OK?

I hope that you are alright and getting support, if you feel really bad, please let someone know, after going through a similar patch, I know how horrible it is but we all care for you, a lovely guy.  Hold on, hold tight, it will pass, the clouds are just passing by.  lots of hugs and love to you and your cat.

I have seen none....

Would like to know too

Heather - Mod,

Can you tell us whether there have been any logins from Tom since his message 10 days ago?

Anyone been in touch with him beyond this forum?

Tom,

How are you doing?

Tom. Are you still around? Sort of like to know somehow

Done nothing all day.  Got up late. Slept this afternoon.  Going to bed now. This isn't living.