Hubby won't compliment me

Hi all, I've deleted my text as I'm worried about the sensitivity of it. Please can you all delete the sections where you've taken quotes? Many thanks.

  • Hi is it the responses as well as the quotes you would like deleted..I can understand your situation, your user name is still at the top, and many of the replies although helpful are specific in detail. And are to you. 

    You are still requesting a full deletion in another thread!


    AstronutAlex
    21 minutes ago
    Please can a Mod delete a thread of mine? I can't do it myself. Is there a Personal Message option?

    Alexxx

    maybe if people were aware they would all delete the replies, if not then full deletion will probably be acceptable by  a moderator or administrator, hopefully they will see your request on monday, take care.


  • Thank you so much. That's wonderful. A lovely insight.

    I am really glad to have been of some service.

    Have a really good one ~ filled with infinitely more :-)


  • Thank you so much. That's wonderful. A lovely insight.


  • Isn't this the same for all of the partnerships?

    For example, same sex partnerships?


    Pretty much yes, although some cultures do not make or accept apologies, as setting a good example instead is the apology.


  • A further tip that you might find useful with dating and relating with females, is if they are feeling down, just as much applies to ourselves, it is to be clearly and definitely positive about them in particular, and when we do or say things wrong, sometimes more especially in England, a person to person apology may well be required.

    Isn't this the same for all of the partnerships?

    For example, same sex partnerships?


  • When I compliment him he just smiles. I feel there's a wariness about that, possibly because he feels he should be returning complements.

    When you compliment him and he just smiles, you have just been complimented back with a smile.

    When you feel there's a wariness about that, perhaps you could try smiling back and keep the language of smiles on the go ~ over the days and over the weeks, and build up as such the inner smile, i.e. the inner sparkle together.



  • A further tip that you might find useful with dating and relating with females, is if they are feeling down, just as much applies to ourselves, it is to be clearly and definitely positive about them in particular, and when we do or say things wrong, sometimes more especially in England, a person to person apology may well be required.

    Of course the autistic thing is tricky in communication terms, and as many people find, relationships are even trickier. Hopefully, as some do, you will find a relationship that proves just how tricky it was not having one, and as many people find, it is so much better to keep on courting (being romantic and complimentary) once the relationship gets going.

    If that helps any?



  • I am really sorry if I have upset someone.

    It is because I do not have a partner. It sometimes makes me sad.

    I apologize to all who are upset.


    Nice one California, bless you ~ I am sure you will get it sussed (i.e. worked out) sooner or later :-)


  • I am really sorry if I have upset someone.

    It is because I do not have a partner. It sometimes makes me sad.

    I apologize to all who are upset.


  • I think that you worry too much!

    You are lucky that you have a husband at all.

    A lot of people are alone and do not have partners at all.


    Unfortunately California telling someone that their valid concerns are excessive is dismissive ~ so an apology is definitely required from you in this respect.


  • I think that you worry too much!


  • Hi all, I've deleted my text as I'm worried about the sensitivity of it. Please can you all delete the sections where you've taken quotes? Many thanks.

    You have here in the same language the female and male dialects of essentially saying the same thing,"Wow!" or "You look great!" When your hubby asked if you have been out, that was a hubby compliment to his wifey, and it helps in these situations for hubbies if you say (or whisper in his ear when your daughter is present) something along the lines of, "No my dear ~ this is entirely for you." One compliment begets another sort of thing.


    Hi all, I've deleted my text as I'm worried about the sensitivity of it. Please can you all delete the sections where you've taken quotes? Many thanks.

    Well, given the Aspergian male definition for most, and the Aspie female for most, changing the old routine can and actually does take some effort to change things either way, so making little agreed upon changes at a time, and getting used to them for a while, really really helps.

    One suggestion, is perhaps learn to start courting/dating again, and keep on and on doing so as many people give up on it after a while once the relationship gets established, and then wonder thereafter where the sparkle and zing in the relationship went. Obviously it has not gone anywhere, and it is right there with you and your hubby ~ hence then the lack of post-cards :-)

    Another thing that some couples find useful when men are not confident with women wishing they were, and vice versa, even though in many cases the desire is mutual ~ is using some form of indicator that you and he are open to do business, if you can forgive my analogy there.

    One autistic couple for example had difficulties in that the wife was incredibly prone to being incredibly volatile, so she was told about the traffic light system, and got a traffic light system device (pretty much like a stopwatch) which is worn around the neck and has a red, amber and green indicator ~ so that people knew not to engage with her verbally when it was set on red, unless the risk of getting yelled and screamed etc really was worth it. The wife got one to start with to wear around her neck, and then another one for around her waste.

    Another suggestion is to in part improve your self confidence about being you, and recognise the beauty of you that is not your body, but as shines through your body and all that you do. So work on and turn up your personal sparkle as it just as much an indicator as anything else really, and taking part in your own sparkle-up does let gentleman notice more to join in and open the doors for you or be in other ways more helpful.

    Basically I think the old adage of what we most focus on gets the most development applies, and although I never tire of reminding people how truly lovely they are, most people get really exhausted or annoyed with forgetting how lovely they could be and actually are whilst pretending not to be.


  • I'm glad you have your motorbike, Nada - best wishes...

  • My hubby just said, 'Have you been out?' That was the last straw for me. No compliments. With no sex and my increasing urges I'm getting angry and frustrated.

    People aren't sex objects.

  • Hold onto the fact that verbal or physical compliments aside he is still by your side and loves you.  Now THAT is quite a compliment in itself x

  • That's good advice. I'm so glad I talked to you all. I think I would have made things worse if I didn't! XXX

  • We tried relationship counselling some years ago after my daughter was born. It's far too mechanical. That's not for us. It needs to to be when it's right, whenever that will be!

    I know he's scared of hurting my feelings. I didn't help when, the odd times at the start of our relationship he tried to initiate sex, I said I was too tired. It wasn't at all a rejection but I know from my own reactions that my feelings can be way over-the-top. I wonder if he felt a strong feeling of rejection but didn't show it in the male/Aspie way. It's quagmire I need to get us out of. I think it's my responsibility to sort this as he doesn't seem to be able to help himself.

  • Give it time.... ask for that hug... and tell him it was lovely... give both of yourselves time I.e try not to rush things even though your a wee bit frustrated at present.. x

  • Yes, I need compliments for my self-esteem. I should just stop worrying about that as it's extra difficulties for him to process. When I compliment him he just smiles. I feel there's a wariness about that, possibly because he feels he should be returning complements.

    His hugs, while loving, have always been rather short. Sometimes he even jerks away. Not in disgust or anything. Just a 'this is finished' sort of final movement. A full stop.

    I'll have to use words, as you say. I'll keep it simple and let him know exactly what I intend, with love and gentleness. I hope it works.