"Putting on my best normal" - how to shed the mask and do it anyway...

. said:

Do you even remember or know who your true self is or has ever been?

Up until three I was wholly me, then after getting really sick, being given medication in hospital, and nearly dying as a result, I became partly me but not knowing what I used to when I used to be the other me, who continued thereafter to ask me questions and explain things, as depending upon what was going on.

I got seriously demoralised by getting bullied at secondary school, so told my other me to go away ~ which it did until I got on the go doing away with the social masking, and became eventually wholly me again.

From the age of twelve to forty odd I masked, but the behavioural patterns kept crashing in the sense of mental-emotional breakdowns, on two year cycles to a minor extent, and four year cycles to major extents. 

. said:

And there, lies the rub, did you mask due to self preservation or just due to a fear of rejection and being outcast from society?

Definitely self preservation. I much preferred to be the odd one out rather than one of the odder ones in respect of neurologically typical people. Whereas in respect of neurologically divergent people, being nomadic and discussing the theatrical delusions of NT people, when we met at various times, along the way, was self preservation for us all, even if only for some of us short lived. 

. said:

So question: Is it possible to drop the mask?

Yes, as long as you remember that 'the' mask is a collage of masks, as being each half tragedy (or sorrow) and the other half comedy (or joy), in the plural sense of being Personae. 

The first objective is to watch yourself using the masks or Personae until you recognise the behavioural sequences involved with them from start to finish, several times over, without attempting to hinder or stop these habitual behaviours ~ just watch and learn from them.

Observation disempowers the possessively habituating behaviourisms of the Personae or Ego-states, as allows more resonant behaviours to emerge, over the course of time, developmentally.

Observation engages the Adult and therefore mature and present sensibilities, rather than the immature Child reliving the past that no longer is, and premature Parent reliving the future that cannot be as both are based on past experience of being individually otherwise and elsewhere than was actually the case. 

. said:

But think of the risks? Feeling more exposed, vulnerable, being feeling duped - "so you just "played a role" all of these years. What if they don't like the true you? The saying goes "you can bend a twig but not a branch...after so many years is it feasible to re-set self and start again?

The self of which you refer to in terms re-setting and starting again is the self of many selves that needs the watching, and the disempowering ~ i.e. they that were exposed, that are now vulnerable, and feeling duped.

The real or present self has always been with you and will be more so as you watch, in the present time and the present space ~ just keep observing every inclination to dwell in the past or in the future and recognise the characteristic sequences as they play out step by step, person by person, object by object, scenario by scenario, day by day.

Learn to be where you are and what you are more and more each day, little by little, bit by bit.

Change out of the old behavioural clothing one item at a time, gradually and slowly, and you will not have to shock yourself or anyone else in the process too much either. 

. said:

And there, lies the rub, did you mask due to self preservation or just due to a fear of rejection and being outcast from society?

Self preservation first always, and once as such habituated with societal dominance, fear of rejection increases, as people become addicted to 'living' due to 'existing' or 'surviving' instead.

. said:

So question: Is it possible to drop the mask? Is that too extreme, or is it just better to find small pockets in life to "be" (you know, when everyone has gone to bed and no one is watching)? Why did we learn to mask in the first place?

Doing away with the mask of the deceiver is a long known process.

Recall for instance what I stated above about changing out of the old behavioural clothing slowly, consider also psychological and physiological fields of experience, and the following statement dated about 140 to 180 AD from the Gnostic Nag Hammadi Gospel of Thomas:

21 (1) Mary said to Jesus, "What are your disciples like?"

(2) He said, "They are like children living in a field that is not theirs. (3) When the owners of the field come, they will say, 'Give our field back to us.' (4) They take off their clothes in front of them in order to give it back to them, and they return their field back to them.

(5) "For this reason I say, if the owner of a house knows that a thief is coming, he will be on guard before the thief arrives and not let the thief break into the house of his estate and steal his possessions. (6) As for you, then, be on guard against the world. Arm yourselves with great strength, or the robbers might find a way to get to you, (8) for the trouble you expect will come. (9) Let their be among you a person who understands.

(10) "When the crop ripened, the person came quickly with sickle in hand and harvested it. (11) Whoever has ears to hear should here"

Let that one be the watchful one ready in the present time and the present place, otherwise the house of the flesh and the treasure of the chest will be ransacked whilst you are distracted by your habitual past and others habitual futures. 

If that makes any sense? 

Deepthought said:

The first objective is to watch yourself using the masks or Personae until you recognise the behavioural sequences involved with them from start to finish, several times over, without attempting to hinder or stop these habitual behaviours ~ just watch and learn from them.

Yes, undoubtedly this needs more work as at present there is a mix of awareness and of "feeling lost" - overwhelmed with the body of work needed to be done and that lack of "self time" to consider as deeply as i would like and importantly what this little elephant can do about it.

For an elephant to be its own instrument of change will take strength and "balls*" - (* at present no other word suffices)... do let me know if psychology has its own term .. maybe the yiddish term - "chutzpah"

Deepthought said:

Observation disempowers the possessively habituating behaviourisms of the Personae or Ego-states, as allows more resonant behaviours to emerge, over the course of time, developmentally.

correct, my ego is in a state! and like the multi-faceted masks each habitual behaviourism originates someone whether learnt or a clutched strategy..

Deepthought said:

Observation engages the Adult and therefore mature and present sensibilities, rather than the immature Child reliving the past that no longer is, and premature Parent reliving the future that cannot be as both are based on past experience of being individually otherwise and elsewhere than was actually the case. 

I assume from this that you are referring to the Parent/Child model, in that:

"Parent

The Parent ego state is comprised of the behaviours, thoughts and feelings copied from our parents, or other parental figures. Our Parent is made up of hidden and overt messages such as ‘you / I should’, 'under no circumstances', 'always' and 'never forget', 'don't lie, cheat, steal'. Our parent is formed by external events and influences upon us as we grow through early childhood. As functioning adults we have the ability to change the messages, but it does require awareness and effort.

Adult.

'Adult' describes our ability to think and determine action for ourselves based upon the 'here and now'. It draws on our understanding and analysis of our external and internal environment. In addition, the Adult in us is the means by which we keep our Parent and Child in check.

Child

This is the ego state in which individuals behave, feel and think similarly to how they did as a child. For example, a person who receives a poor evaluation at work may respond by looking at the floor, or crying, or getting angry. The Child is the expression of feelings, thoughts and emotional that are being replayed from childhood."

https://www.hopestreetcentre.org.uk/therapy-sandbach-cheshire/understanding-parent-adult-child-model

I will continue to observe and record and there may be many tears (child self) involved. Maybe I should lash my many masks (tragic or comedic side up?) and make a raft...and make sure that the adult, child and parent all have life jackets.

and observe...and wait...and be mindful....

Now, the idea of the “narrative self” and trying to correlate our relationship and understanding of the states of child, parent and adult..

as the screen grab denotes, good memory helps (i’m thinking of your brain wiring here...and your occasional blue screens and reboots) as well as the ND capacity to make sense of NT to ND and vice versa interactions ...

ive been off work and my clambering brain is trying to make the most of the rest it has had....

? Sorry

|| ElephantInTheRoom quoted:

The Narrative Self. Accumulated evidence from neuroscience supports the idea that the self does not start as an integrated whole but rather is nonunitary in origin (LeDoux 2002).

The narrative Self is the subconscious or intellectually programmed Self, that becomes a unitary whole, once the linguistic fluid networkings of the mid-body relationship are verbally frame-worked as fixed states of linguistic identification ~ as essential being a word and world map and dictionary.

Of course, our linguistic 'map-come-dictionary' is primed (heard) and fixed (pronounced, affirmed and corrected) involving objects and words beginning with "Mum" and "Dad" and "You" and "Me" and so on and so fourth with all the other words in personal, familial, social and environmental settings.

|| ElephantInTheRoom quoted:

LeDoux (page 192) and Demasio (200, 2002) both argue that narrative provides the essential glue that binds various neural networks to create a unified sense of self.

Linguistic narration provides the fixed linguistic frame-working of the human organism as being a system of seven fluid psycho-physiological networkings, as which operate inter-phasically, or simultaneously (at the same time together) in a wholistically individual way.

Narration is not then the 'glue' that binds the various neuronal networkings to form a unified sense of Self ~ as a unified sense of self occurs from about four and a half months gestation time in the womb, otherwise miscarriages or still births are the result.

Narration is though the linguistic frame-working (or scaffolding) that structurally  integrates particular neuronal networking systems together ~ through the psycho-physiological anatomy.

This is so in order to piece or fit together a descriptive mapping for the primary sense of self involving the body and its internal operations ~ along with particular objects and states of affairs going on in the external environment.

Due though to gestation, birth and sociological or ecological traumas, the vast majority of people get disassociated from their primary sense of self.

As such most people do not have a direct relationship with their primary sense of self, as being the conscious sole, or individual personality ~ otherwise called the enlightening, intuitive or vitalising self.

Instead of the disassociated 'intuitive' self then, a 'narrative' self is instead socially programmed in the shared and enforced sense ~ with each word getting physically and mentally emplaced more or less strongly with each object and set of actions ~ on essentially the basis of walk this way and talk this way in order to do or get things, and all that.  

The 'intuitive' or 'conscious' self is then the true self as being an individually incorporating symbiotic Personality, which is in principle more collaborative, or equalitarian.

Whereas the 'narrative' or 'subconscious' self ~ is the false self or collectively incorporating accumulation of parasitic and symbiotic Personae, which are in principle more competitive or elitist.

. said:

Now, the idea of the “narrative self” and trying to correlate our relationship and understanding of the states of child, parent and adult..

as the screen grab denotes, good memory helps (i’m thinking of your brain wiring here...and your occasional blue screens and reboots) as well as the ND capacity to make sense of NT to ND and vice versa interactions ...

In relation to my long term memory, I do not have a short term memory to obstruct it, i.e. my Personae frameworks could not remain emplaced. They were in structural terms rather weak, whilst my Personality integration was by contrast quite strong ~ so unlike the vast majority of people my character has remained pretty much the same, and I have not been able to characteristically reinvent myself ~ so my long term memory is intact since at least my first bowel movement, and from seeing misty shades to clearly seen objects and states of affairs going on around me.

When it comes to what you describe as 'blue screens and reboots' during seizures ~ no such luck. I get concurrently functional multi-spectral inter-phasing and multi system updating of my sensibilities ~ which is pretty much like when the NAS forum was updated from the old one to this one, but seven times over with each seizure and generally no offline time.

Obviously with mild seizures there is less of a change to operational procedures, and big ones more of change. Big ones have taken up to three weeks to get used to, and little ones up to a few days on average.

One thing that always happens, is that my psychological dictionary gets its word listings rearranged and resequenced ~ making it difficult or impossible to find the appropriate words for the appropriate things for however long. Fortunately I have a friend who is also a polymath that helps me systematically redo the crossword puzzle of my mind's word-mapping, on a weekly basis when possible.

Reading helps sometimes, watching DVD box sets with subtitles other times, but listening and talking with ND types always works. NT types generally not ~ bless them.

. said:

ive been off work and my clambering brain is trying to make the most of the rest it has had....

? Sorry

May I suggest never apologising for needing time out and taking it easy, most especially when it comes to being on holiday from teaching work ;-)

|| ElephantInTheRoom quoted:

The Narrative Self. Accumulated evidence from neuroscience supports the idea that the self does not start as an integrated whole but rather is nonunitary in origin (LeDoux 2002).

The narrative Self is the subconscious or intellectually programmed Self, that becomes a unitary whole, once the linguistic fluid networkings of the mid-body relationship are verbally frame-worked as fixed states of linguistic identification ~ as essential being a word and world map and dictionary.

Of course, our linguistic 'map-come-dictionary' is primed (heard) and fixed (pronounced, affirmed and corrected) involving objects and words beginning with "Mum" and "Dad" and "You" and "Me" and so on and so fourth with all the other words in personal, familial, social and environmental settings.

|| ElephantInTheRoom quoted:

LeDoux (page 192) and Demasio (200, 2002) both argue that narrative provides the essential glue that binds various neural networks to create a unified sense of self.

Linguistic narration provides the fixed linguistic frame-working of the human organism as being a system of seven fluid psycho-physiological networkings, as which operate inter-phasically, or simultaneously (at the same time together) in a wholistically individual way.

Narration is not then the 'glue' that binds the various neuronal networkings to form a unified sense of Self ~ as a unified sense of self occurs from about four and a half months gestation time in the womb, otherwise miscarriages or still births are the result.

Narration is though the linguistic frame-working (or scaffolding) that structurally  integrates particular neuronal networking systems together ~ through the psycho-physiological anatomy.

This is so in order to piece or fit together a descriptive mapping for the primary sense of self involving the body and its internal operations ~ along with particular objects and states of affairs going on in the external environment.

Due though to gestation, birth and sociological or ecological traumas, the vast majority of people get disassociated from their primary sense of self.

As such most people do not have a direct relationship with their primary sense of self, as being the conscious sole, or individual personality ~ otherwise called the enlightening, intuitive or vitalising self.

Instead of the disassociated 'intuitive' self then, a 'narrative' self is instead socially programmed in the shared and enforced sense ~ with each word getting physically and mentally emplaced more or less strongly with each object and set of actions ~ on essentially the basis of walk this way and talk this way in order to do or get things, and all that.  

The 'intuitive' or 'conscious' self is then the true self as being an individually incorporating symbiotic Personality, which is in principle more collaborative, or equalitarian.

Whereas the 'narrative' or 'subconscious' self ~ is the false self or collectively incorporating accumulation of parasitic and symbiotic Personae, which are in principle more competitive or elitist.

. said:

Now, the idea of the “narrative self” and trying to correlate our relationship and understanding of the states of child, parent and adult..

as the screen grab denotes, good memory helps (i’m thinking of your brain wiring here...and your occasional blue screens and reboots) as well as the ND capacity to make sense of NT to ND and vice versa interactions ...

In relation to my long term memory, I do not have a short term memory to obstruct it, i.e. my Personae frameworks could not remain emplaced. They were in structural terms rather weak, whilst my Personality integration was by contrast quite strong ~ so unlike the vast majority of people my character has remained pretty much the same, and I have not been able to characteristically reinvent myself ~ so my long term memory is intact since at least my first bowel movement, and from seeing misty shades to clearly seen objects and states of affairs going on around me.

When it comes to what you describe as 'blue screens and reboots' during seizures ~ no such luck. I get concurrently functional multi-spectral inter-phasing and multi system updating of my sensibilities ~ which is pretty much like when the NAS forum was updated from the old one to this one, but seven times over with each seizure and generally no offline time.

Obviously with mild seizures there is less of a change to operational procedures, and big ones more of change. Big ones have taken up to three weeks to get used to, and little ones up to a few days on average.

One thing that always happens, is that my psychological dictionary gets its word listings rearranged and resequenced ~ making it difficult or impossible to find the appropriate words for the appropriate things for however long. Fortunately I have a friend who is also a polymath that helps me systematically redo the crossword puzzle of my mind's word-mapping, on a weekly basis when possible.

Reading helps sometimes, watching DVD box sets with subtitles other times, but listening and talking with ND types always works. NT types generally not ~ bless them.

. said:

ive been off work and my clambering brain is trying to make the most of the rest it has had....

? Sorry

May I suggest never apologising for needing time out and taking it easy, most especially when it comes to being on holiday from teaching work ;-)