At more than 50 years old, a series of events and encounters in my life have made me realised that I am very probably 'on the spectrum'. It has come to the point where I can no longer brush it under the carpet, act as a 'neurotypical' or let it continue to ruin my life.
Why did it take me so long to find out?
And where do I go from here?
There are several people on this forum who have had a very late diagnosis. When we were young it "didn't exist". We suffered on the playground, in the classrooms, having our hair cut, getting crazily nervous and upset going to new places or just finding our way around school, getting bullied. And it affected us all differently - but I guess what unites is the "if only I had known then, what I know now". The thing is - here we are. And it is good to realise there is a reason for all our suffering. I am grateful that I know understand better how to take care of myself. But I think a lot of the damage has been done.Hopefully the realisation will help you in several ways. I guess the way forward is to ask your GP for a referral and take it from there. And also just to read a lot about the tips and tricks of how to care for yourself well. For me, it has also taken some bravery to accept my diagnosis and to allow myself to be myself (I understand I always was that - but I put so much effort in to trying to please :-) )
I believe that my husband is on the spectrum and it has caused a lot of upset for me in the past 20 years we've been together (married for 10 of those) he is 40 years old and now I am learning more about autism in children it has suddenly created a lightbulb effect in my head!. How do I approach it with my husband to get a self disagnosis or visiting the GP? Any advice?
Thank you for your reply.
Your comments are helpful although I deeply mistrust GPs and their habits to prescribe 'happy pills' so quickly. These did not help me in the past and I now understand why.
On this website there is information about "broaching" the subject: https://www.autism.org.uk/about/what-is/broaching.aspx It is sensitive, as telling someone you think they are on the spectrum might be taken as criticism and make someone defensive - especially when it is raised in a tense situation like an argument.
I think it is good to broach the subject in a manner that you communicate that you are keen to try and make his life better and more comfortable (and in doing so your own). Maybe that you would like to take his needs more into account?I am a bit curious about your motivation for your husband to get a diagnosis. You say it has caused you a lot of upset. It is always a good thing to keep tags on your own motivation and this might help you broach it in a manner that highlights his interest in this matter.
I'm just saying this because I know some people in rocky marriages and I find it hard to hear them name calling their spouse "the autistic ***". It has almost become trendy to use the term autistic to husband bash (and this really upsets me).
I think it is only a good idea - if the diagnosis is like a stepping stone to a better life for you both. Are you hoping things might be easier for you both when you know how to deal better with situations? Are you prepared yourself to put a great deal of effort into trying to understand and make adjustments?
I'm sorry this sounds a bit of a preach but I'll post it anyway even though I should delete all of it besides the first line. Good luck with all!!! Curious what opinions the rest of the gang has to offer :-)
Yes, happy pills won't address the underlying issues indeed.
I think on the main site there is some info about referrals, GPs and how to go about it?