My names is Janusz and I’m in the process of self diagnosis.
I’m also recovering addict and now I’m sober for 7 months. I feel that addiction was my coping mechanism for various issues so now I’m sober I find life very difficult. I’m not saying that I’m not happy with that I’m sober but it all came back at me.
When I share my challenges I’m accused by people close to me that I’m preparing another relaps.
So I don’t like sharing anything
Does anybody here got some experience in relation to my situation?
I genuily feel lonely.
I don’t think it’s the alcohol that’s the demon Tom, like money, it’s neutral, in fact, you could place some money, hundreds of it with several big bottles of whisky or whatever, on the side and none of it would actually even move for a hundred years or more if no one ever touched it or moved it. It’s hardly a demon if it can’t even move? A little spider is more demonic that a bottle of whisky. At least the spider can move.
I agree, and I know what you mean. The demon is in me. The booze brings it out.
That makes the booze a good thing then doesn’t it or do you like the demon to stay inside of you? It was good for me, it brought all sorts of s**t out of me, I’m not sure if they were demons though cos I’m not too sure what demons are but I know the alcohol brought loads of things out of me that never came out when I didn’t drink, so even though I hated the taste of it and hated being drunk, I loved that it brought these things out of me. Maybe the things it brought out of me weren’t demons because I wanted my things out, you seem to want to keep the demon so I guess I misunderstood, a demon is a good thing and alcohol is bad because it gets rid of it.
Martian Tom, BlueRay and Madworld thank you for your replies.
Yes I'm in an AA - type program and I'm not going to knock it. It helped me to keep sobriety and sobriety saved my marriage, I became better dad, better boss and many more. I think I wouldn't be able to get to know myself without this 7 months.
But there is more about me that an addict but this is the only thing which is established over last 10 years of counselling. The only diagnosis I've got. I was never diagnosed with depression or anxiety, I have to deal with them every single day specially now when my main coping mechanism is not an option. When I say to people about Aphantasia, Visual Snow, Tinnitus, Sensory overload etc and that I had them since I can remember sometimes I hear "How cute he is, he is making those stories up to keep people care about him"
This is not true! All those findings it is the result of listening to myself, I was escaping from it my whole life trying to be "normal" but trying to be "normal" came at a price, I had to find a way to be able to ignore and avoid what was inside me.
I feel what's inside me is MY NORMAL it is challenging sometimes it is hard work so it hurts when somebody says that it's my excuse or my "get out of jail card"
Thanks for reading and your support. I'm very happy that I found place when I can share thing like this.
What is inside of you is your normal and it’s the only thing that’s real. I understand you. AA was a god send to me, I don’t go to as many meetings although when I lived in Bali they had some great meetings so I did go there some times. It is challenging sometimes but the more you trust what’s inside, the less challenging it gets. And yeah, keep on sharing, if you notice what I share it’s usually totally weird and wrong to everybody else but just sharing it helps me even if nobody else understands it and that’s what we’re all here for.