My names is Janusz and I’m in the process of self diagnosis.
I’m also recovering addict and now I’m sober for 7 months. I feel that addiction was my coping mechanism for various issues so now I’m sober I find life very difficult. I’m not saying that I’m not happy with that I’m sober but it all came back at me.
When I share my challenges I’m accused by people close to me that I’m preparing another relaps.
So I don’t like sharing anything
Does anybody here got some experience in relation to my situation?
I genuily feel lonely.
Hi Janusz... and thanks for sharing.
From what you've said here, I'm assuming that you're in an AA/NA-type programme. I spent much time in AA - though I didn't feel I was an alcoholic, and still don't. Like you, my drug was a coping mechanism. I'm afraid I still use it as a coping mechanism, but I'm trying my hardest to stop it. I've had a few months of sobriety over the past few years. I don't drink like many alcoholics I know (I've been told I'm not even scratching the surface of hard addiction), but I still drink more than is healthy for me. My life would be better without it. However bad my life has gotten in the past, it's always been made much worse by drink.
I would say to you - so many congratulations for your 7 months. That's absolutely remarkable. I think 6 months was the very most I managed. Then I started again, thinking I would be able to control it better. Boy, how wrong I was. Once I'd started... well, it was just easier to carry on. And before I knew it, I was drinking even more than I had before. I have an acquaintance who now has 8 years of sobriety. He said the first year was the hardest. So what you're currently feeling is probably quite natural. He now says he never even thinks about a drink. He took other drugs, too, and is now completely clean. He's certainly one of the most centred and calm people I know.
I had to leave AA in the end - because I kept getting told 'You're just white-knuckling it. You're building yourself up for a relapse. You're not doing the programme properly.' And so on. It drove me mad. In fact, it almost made me want to relapse. It works for many, so I won't knock it. But it didn't work for me. I also got turned off by how self-righteous and judgmental some people could be. If the attitude of others is stopping you from sharing, then that's not healthy. Keep sharing here, though. No one's going to judge you here. There are many people here who understand where you're coming from. I often wonder, with things I used to hear in AA meetings, whether a lot of them are actually autistic, too.
You're not at all alone, mate!
Keep going... a day at a time.