I’m struggling at work

I started a new job around five months ago and have been doing okay, but I’ve now inadvertently upset a visitor - she’s being manipulative and hamming it up - and I’m fed up about it. 

I’d been at my previous place for eight years and it was quite a wrench to leave. 

I’m working hard to mask, but I’m doing a good job and resent the management being manipulated by this tricky neurotypical person who has form for this. 

I didn’t disclose my aspergers when I applied because I don’t class myself as disabled and I’m actually very good at my job, it’s just that I’m direct and see through people who are less than honest. 

I don’t know whether to just go back onto a nightshift job. Less people to upset. Not fulfilling though. 

Parents
  • Sorry you're suffering, Kitty.  I understand the way you feel about your Asperger's, and I feel the same.  I always disclose it, though, in case something crops us.

    Are there likely to be any major negative repercussions for you because of this?  If not, couldn't you just ride it out?  You can't please everyone, after all - your managers should know that.  And if this person already has form, they'll probably give you the benefit of the doubt if you're doing a good job otherwise.

  • No major repercussions, but I’m in a job where I’m supposed to be very people focused and I have to get on with others. I manage okay, but I’ve identified that this person is disingenuous and is trying to stop the care that we’re trying to give to the person she’s visiting. The person is in pain and discomfort and I contacted the GP to get better painkillers prescribed. The visitor doesn’t want the person to have these painkillers. The visitor has history for being controlling. 

    I’ve stepped into a strange situation and I don’t know how to handle it. This type of advanced social weirdness isn’t something I can relate to or even understand. It’s having a detrimental effect on somebody I’m employed to care for though, so it’s not something I can just ignore or shrug off. 

Reply
  • No major repercussions, but I’m in a job where I’m supposed to be very people focused and I have to get on with others. I manage okay, but I’ve identified that this person is disingenuous and is trying to stop the care that we’re trying to give to the person she’s visiting. The person is in pain and discomfort and I contacted the GP to get better painkillers prescribed. The visitor doesn’t want the person to have these painkillers. The visitor has history for being controlling. 

    I’ve stepped into a strange situation and I don’t know how to handle it. This type of advanced social weirdness isn’t something I can relate to or even understand. It’s having a detrimental effect on somebody I’m employed to care for though, so it’s not something I can just ignore or shrug off. 

Children
  • You need to simply get her on board. Let her know how grateful you are for the support she gives her friend, get her to tell you about what she does. Not in an interrogation type of way but more a friendly, interested kind of way. Ask her to tell you why she doesn’t think the painkillers are good for her friend. She needs the approval of others so if you give it to her, in a genuine way, she will be on your side and she will be like putty in your hand. She’s afraid that if she loses control, she’ll lose people’s affections and approval because she feels so bad about herself and she feels that the only way she can make herself feel better is if she is being useful, but because she feels useless, that’s usually the outcome of any attempt she makes to control the situation in her idea of being useful. She’s clearly trying. She’s more useful to you as a friend rather than an enemy.