Considering going postal

I'm currently medicated on sertraline and aripiprazole and whilst they have worked for the last few years, my core rage is growing again. I hate humans with a vicious disdain for enabling each other into forcing me down the path of self consumption. I've been trying to build a living situation that I'm happy with but been largely unsuccessful due to this condition. And since euthanasia is illegal and have been prevented from building my own one, there is only one path left that I've resisted out of faith that it's wrong to damage others. But as long as I'm being denied a cure for my condition, I am damaged by others and I feel it's about time that I sought retribution for their evil. I'm undecided about my approach other than going back into hospital and damaging a few people for their conditions. Without my hate, I feel weak and disjointed into accepting that I am a target for everyone. I now want to save myself from you and can't do it whilst disabled. I've been caring about myself less and less each day and it's time for me to stop living and start breathing. Once committed, there will be no turning back. They only thing that is stopping me is me and if I loose anymore of myself to you, I can't promise that I will be responsible for myself.

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  • My method of suicide will be old age.

    I was considering that but it's the waiting that is killing me...

    That made me laugh out loud.  I meant to mention earlier that I've also often wanted someone to put me out of my misery, or take the pain away. Can see the attraction of an overdose of morphine. However, I couldn't really see suicide-by-cop has anything to recommend it.  (See the thread I started on "Toronto atrocity and involuntary celibacy".)

    Underneath a pile of people sounds like it might get a bit smelly.  Still, check this out for a bleak sense of humour: www.youtube.com/watch

    Internalising values about money and so on probably doesn't help mood. What is this 'evil force' you mention? I dare say I've been financially shafted a bit in the past, sometime from my own 'laziness' or 'stupidity'. At least you're working. I often try to concentrate on the moment, or particular interests, even if that makes it hard to plan for a pension. Have you ever read The Power of Now? It's full of pseudo-sciento-religious woo-woo, but has some interesting things to say about the 'pain-body'.

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