I'm currently medicated on sertraline and aripiprazole and whilst they have worked for the last few years, my core rage is growing again. I hate humans with a vicious disdain for enabling each other into forcing me down the path of self consumption. I've been trying to build a living situation that I'm happy with but been largely unsuccessful due to this condition. And since euthanasia is illegal and have been prevented from building my own one, there is only one path left that I've resisted out of faith that it's wrong to damage others. But as long as I'm being denied a cure for my condition, I am damaged by others and I feel it's about time that I sought retribution for their evil. I'm undecided about my approach other than going back into hospital and damaging a few people for their conditions. Without my hate, I feel weak and disjointed into accepting that I am a target for everyone. I now want to save myself from you and can't do it whilst disabled. I've been caring about myself less and less each day and it's time for me to stop living and start breathing. Once committed, there will be no turning back. They only thing that is stopping me is me and if I loose anymore of myself to you, I can't promise that I will be responsible for myself.
I have sent you a DM regarding this post. I’m sorry you are going through such a tough time, it’s good that you’ve let us know what’s happening and how you feel.
If you are unable to cope with the distress or despair, it’s very important to tell someone about your feelings and thoughts. Call your GP and make an urgent appointment. Your GP can make sure you get appropriate help and support.
If it’s outside your GP hours call 111 to reach the NHS 111 service: http://www.nhs.uk/NHSEngland/AboutNHSservices/Emergencyandurgentcareservices/Pages/NHS-111.aspx
The Samaritans also provide confidential non-judgemental emotional support, 24 hours a day on 116 123, or by email on email@example.com.
MIND have information pages on coping with self harm or suicidal feelings based on the experiences of people who’ve been through it that you may find helpful. https://www.mind.org.uk/
If you are very close to doing something to hurt yourself or others - call 999 now or go to your nearest A&E department. There should be someone there to support you and make sure you get ongoing support.
If you need help with an autism related issue, our helpline can be emailed via webform https://www.autism.org.uk/services/helplines/main/questions.aspx or they’re open Monday to Thursday 10am-4pm and Friday 9am-3pm on 0808 800 4104.
I hope this information is helpful to you.