Being on the autism spectrum or developmentally disabled in any other way doesn't mean one should be treated differently from other fellow human beings or mistreated in such a cruel manner; it also doesn't mean family members should be critical towards the autistic suffer by accusing them of dwelling on their condition - that is not what life is supposed to be about! People were not supposed to be put on earth just to struggle through life or go through endless suffering at the hands of others. Human beings are supposed to be kind and fair towards one another and be given the chance to live life to the full.
I am unable to enjoy or make use of any of the pleasant things life has to offer because I find myself dreading what the next day will bring: having to face being verbally abused and cruelly snapped at endlessly for every single thing; I don't want to carry on like this for the rest of my life and hopefully this will finally stop one day. But even when the days of cruel mistreatment and psychological abuse finally come to an end I will probably become an extremely depressed and bitter person later on in life. I will either end up looking back and wishing things were different or just wanting to die quickly so that I won't have to live this life of sadness anymore. There are times when I just want to disappear without a trace!
At times I just wonder if everyone would be better off not having children, because I regret being brought into this world. I would rather my parents chose not to have me or any of my siblings - I would also rather other parents decided not to have any of their children. There are other times when I wish God would bring the world to an end very soon.
I'm guessing that you're diagnosed... and have found that, instead of helping you, it's making you feel worse. I can understand that.
I was finally diagnosed nearly 3 years ago, at the age of 56. Prior to that, I'd had a lifetime of what you describe - but with nothing to attribute it to except incompetence, stupidity, naivety, gullibility... and so on. The diagnosis at least gave me some ammunition to fight back.
Yes, human beings are supposed to be kind and fair towards one another - but that's never been the case ever since we learned to walk upright, make fire, domesticate animals, and invent the wheel. Look around the world now. All this technology and sophistication. We can send a sports car into space and communicate with someone thousands of miles away in seconds. Yet we still kill one another for differences of belief. We pollute and kill the very things - air, oceans, soil - that guarantee our future survival.
But we can also do those other things. We can love and cherish. We can be kind. We can be fair. We can find and provide cures. We can spread good words and good examples. As one of my favourite and most cherished writers, Henry David Thoreau, said 'Let your life be a counter-friction that stops the machine.'
He also said 'Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined.'
And, finally... 'This world is but a canvas to our imagination.'
Enough with the quotes! I draw inspiration from people like this... and from wherever else I can get it. Sometimes - perhaps most often - it's in the smallest things. Doing something outside of myself. Helping others. Making the most of life, while I'm here, by giving it meaning in this way.
Keep coming here, and keep talking. It's a good place to start in trying to find purpose, and to make your way forwards.
All the best,
I'm sorry that it sounds like you're having a difficult time at the moment. In addition to Tom's helpful post, the NAS site has a section on mental health with links to organisations like Mind, CALM, SANE and others that will listen to your problems and try to help, or just vent your frustrations if you need someone to talk to. If you look here - http://www.autism.org.uk/about/health/mental-health.aspx - these are at the bottom of the page alongside information about causes of and treatments of depression, as well as a link to the NAS helpline.
I hope this can be of some help,
Ross - mod