Hi all, my first post. I'm 55 and was diagnosed with a SpLD (Dyspraxia) in 2003, but it never fit. My daughter has been diagnosed with Aspies and me too just recently. It's helped a lot, but doesn't stop the pain. I had a meltdown today. I was trying to get my pigheaded colleague to authorise something but he kept throwing it back at me telling me things I already knew and what I should be doing but he didn't give me what I needed. The crazy thing is, I've been doing the job for about 3 years and him only a few months, so he's treating me like I don't know anything just because he's a senior grade. I couldn't get him to see logic. This isn't the first time and I know he doesn't respect me. I had a meltdown and couldn't stop. It's like acid brain and there's little me inside watching the tears and frustration, sobbing in the ladies' loos, and I have no control. I made my lovely boss cry as I told her to go away when she was just trying to help. I could her an upset wobble in her voice but I couldn't stop. I feel so guilty and devastated. I just want to curl up and sleep afterwards but, even if I could, I feel so ashamed afterwards I can't settle. I feel, even though I was justified in getting deeply frustrated with the lack of logic, it was still my fault I hurt people. Does this happen to you?
Beautifully put! Thanks BlueRay. X
You’re welcome NAS36384. We have to turn away from what we have been taught, such as meltdowns are bad, and embrace them. They give us clues to what our needs are and how we can meet them. The only struggle I see is one of getting that space and time that we need to uncover who we are, what our needs are and how to meet them.
Daily, I avoid people because I can't ever gauge exactly what they mean with certainty, I upset people so easily but that is so against my wishes that I frequently feel more upset about what pain I may have caused than the person to whom I am supposed to have caused it.
I'm familiar with that. When I offend people unintentionally I feel very very quilty.
quilty? no offence meant!
Guilty? Or maybe quilty? Hide under a quilt and pretend the incident never happened.???
Ahhhhh, that made me laugh ‘quilty’, thank you. I needed to laugh to get me out of my current train of thought, thinking about going or not going to a couple of upcoming parties/celebrations. And it’s definitely quilty for me today. That’s exactly where I am. Under my quilt. Yesterday was an active, productive day. Today I’m thinking about these party invites.
I know that feeling! My youngest daughter has an opportunity to travel and take part in a sports competition, representing her club. This is important to her and I want her to take part and enjoy the experience but ..... the club wants parents to travel with the children!!!
Four days and nights surrounded by total strangers in communal sleeping quarters and surrounded by god knows how many people in the sports arena!!!!! I CAN'T DO THIS!!!! But i have to. It's months away and I'm already sweating thinking about it and, actually, feel quite sick at the prospect.
Is there somebody else that could go in your place Endymion? It doesn’t have to be you, another responsible adult will do the job. I’m realising that it’s important for us to keep the things we are not good st, to a minimum, leaving some room of and when we need/want to do them. In this case though, I think it would be more than ok to let somebody else go in your place and if that’s not possible, if you can’t find anybody then look for alternative sleeping arrangements etc, try to minmise the horrors of it all.
Actually, looking for alternative sleeping arrangements might not be a bad idea at all!! (Why didn't I think of that?)
There isn't anyone else who could realistically go in my place, my partner works full-time and wouldn't be able to take the time off - especially in the summer period. As I don't work at the moment (as in no employment but also, overthinking as usual, in many other ways) I'm the one who usually does the bulk of the 'children'-related activities.
Thank you though, I am going to look into perhaps booking B+B accommodation, or another alternative to the communal sleeping arrangement, as it would make the trip a LOT more bearable and give me somewhere to retreat to when I'm not 'on duty'. :) Feeling a bit better about the trip already!!