Young man in need of help but he doesn't want it

Hi,

I am an aunt to an almost 30 year old young man who lives with his grandparents as he has had problems with his mother and second husband since he was 16. Half his life has been spent with grandparents that are trying to take the place of his parents (his dad is dead) - this is not a good combination when the grandparents are in the 80's.

He is a clever boy and was diagnosed as being dyspraxic when he was just 8 or 9.  This however, in my opinion was not a full diagnosis as he is certainly on the autistic spectrum, maybe aspergers.

He failed his A levels despite the fact he is brilliant with facts and general knowledge. He just can't express himself and has few social skills. I am with my parents a lot but also have my own family to look after ad live abroad.  He has never had a job that he has managed to keep for more than 6 weeks.  He was recently told he did not fit in with the rest of the office and would have to leave. I have offered to pay for him to go to an educational psychologist but he refuses and tells me I must think he is 'crazy'.  I once managed to get him to go to the Job centre and talked to the person supposedly responsible for people with disability but they were fairly useless and he got very frustrated with them and then refused to sign on or go to any more meetings as they just kept suggesting totally unsuitable jobs for him.  He cannot drive but has a moped which limits his sphere of work available.

The problem now that after over 10 years of no one taking him under their wing and him not wanting to be treated as 'disabled' (I don't think he every tells employers about his disability and very few people would understand the problem if he doesn't explain it at the outset) he is getting severly depressed and has violent outbursts.  In a house with 2 elderly grand parents this is very worrying for me as I can see something going very very wrong.  My mum won't see him out on the road but clearly wants to see him independant, my dad just wants him out but on the other hand feels obliged to 'put up with him'.  I don't think he could cope on his own but his immediate family who live just 10 minutes walk down the road have just handed the problem to my parents and when I am here, to me. 

His problems are obvioulsy exacerbated by his mother and sisters rejection and his utter contemp for his step father.  He needs emotional help and guidance which no one in the family seems to be able to give him.  I would dearly love to find him a 'buddy' that could suggest suitable employment with an employer who understands he needs of dyspraxic/aspergers employees or someone who could suggest further training that would leed to employment.  He just needs a job to give him some self worth and allow him to be independant.

Does anyone have any useful information or suggestions - I would dearly love to see him happy and content in work which would turn his life around,

JACC

Parents
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  • Is there an autism support group near you? Check the directory on the NAS website or try calling the telephone helpline. 

    Have you spoken to his GP to voice your concerns, or maybe contacted the "wellbeing team" at your local council?

Children
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