I've started a new thread because replies disappear in old/long threads.
Do we attract Narcissists, because we are gullible and vulnerable?
I was going to write a book about my distant cousin ( on my father's side), Miss B who is an extreme example of a sociopath/Narcissist. Here I will give a few examples of my experiences with her in no particular order.
She's not all bad, by being around her and observing her social skills in manipulating other people. I learnt a lot about dealing with people on a day to day basis.
I first met her when she was 16. when she came to our family for a holiday and her extreme traits were visible even then. Such as vindictiveness, never turn the other cheek, lateral thinking in getting your way or your own back ( even if it hurts the innocent), blatant lying, being positive to the point of living in a fantasy world. Greed for money.
In Feb 2005 she came for her fifth visit. At the time I was my mother's full time carer, my father had passed away a couple of years before. She wrote a letter to my mother informing her of her arrival. My mother wrote back twice asking her not to come. It was winter, weather was terrible, we both had flu's and colds, maybe wait till summer!
She came anyway, moved in with suitcases and refused to say why she came or how long she was intending to stay. Just laughed when we asked.
Soon she told us about how her family had persuaded her to take out a mortgage on a flat in a new complex being built. And since they were now part of the EU. Property prices were expected to rise rapidly and she needed £50,000 to pay of the mortgage. Every day she was talking about needing £50,000 to pay off her mortgage.
After two weeks the atmosphere in the house was getting worse and worse. All she talked about was the 50,000 she needed to pay off her mortgage. And accusing us in a temper of 'what kind of family are you!' who won't help!, Yelling at us that if my father was still alive, he would have given her the money by now, and she wouldn't even need to ask.
Shouting at my mother that all she does is sit on her backside all day watching television, getting a pension to live on and other people do everything for her!
We asked her to move out. She refused and told us that it was up to us to find her a job, find her somewhere to live. Pay her rent and all her expenses. Otherwise she won't go.
After a couple of months she left. She and a friend moved into a flat share with two others. She was very very positive on how wonderful life was, how wonderful the flat share was. How great and generous every one of her flat mates were. All, very very positive and over the top flattery!!!!!
A month later, around 10pm she turned up, dishevelled, eyes red. And asked me to pay her monthly rent. It turns out that her flat mates had spent days asking her for her share of the rent. And if she didn't pay up, then her suitcases would be out in the street in the morning
I reminded her how she had told me a month ago how the four of them had agreed to share the flat, the rent and expenses, splitting everything four ways.
She explained that, that she never made an agreement and that was a joke. When she made a verbal agreement to split the rent and bills. She was only joking. That her fellow flatmates were a bunch of nutters with no senses of humour, who couldn't take a joke. And she wouldn't pay a penny for living in that f-__#@ s@#£&hole.
To cut this story short I paid the next three months rent for her. To stop her moving back in with us.
She eventually did a runner from that flat owing several months rent and all bills unpaid. This was repeated several times.
She did move back in with us the following year and that stay was even worse.
Breaking now for breakfast.
Yes...we are naive and vulnerable. We give too much to others because our condition causes us to be rejected and we possess that overwhelming human need to be accepted. We get hurt, we don’t understand what we have done wrong, we appease, placate, sacrifice our own needs, get bruised, get hurt, get praised, get crushed. Repeat ad nauseum...until spent and broken... the parasite has bled us dry....
does it sound like I know this pattern?
Virtual hug, Ellie.
Sounds like you are having a tough time right now. Hang in there.
How about a Sunday afternoon walk in the woods to clear your cobwebs?
Love to...but would have to get permission first.,, boom, boom.!
Your partner is basil brush? How odd...?!?!
Do whatever you need to clear your head and regain your focus. Monday morning will thank you(!)
And us waldarf and statler (muppets)... excuse spellings