I really don’t know how to cope with my friend who has diagnosed Asperger’s recently

Hello. I would like to know how to cope with my friend with Asperger’s.

We were good friends. However, the more we become close, the more we argue. I think this is because that we do not understand to each other. Or I should rather say thay it is so hard for me to understand her way of thinking or perceptions....(she says she understands me but she does not sadly...)

We both had tough times last year. We were so stressed out in own issues. I do admit that I was sometimes nasty and horrible to her. I am shamed to say that I have shouted at her so many times. If I am allowed to excuse for it, this was because I was just not be able to put up with her extreme negativity and strong obsession with wanting to tell her favourite things which I do not like to hear and to correct the meaning of the words I used (my mother language is not English) during having important discussions and/or everyday conversations.

Since she was diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome, for me, she now excuses everything that she cannot do or change because of having Asperger’s. It really does not work for me... She has said to me once that I am neurotypical that is why I do not understand her. It may be true but sounded really cold and I felt a big barrier between us.

She found a kind of soul mate who has also Asperger’s in SNS. She is very happy and it makes her strong. She said to me that that person really understood her and made her feel very comfortable. I felt very jealous and was not happy at all because I am suffering from not being able to understand her as a real life friend exchanging many private and life issues but she admires her virtual friend....

I almost decided to end up our friendship because I do not know how to manage my emotions with her. I do not want to but I do become short tempered. Also, she believes in what her SNS friend says and telephone Asperger’s psychiatrist advice only now. She ignores my calls eventually. That is actually psychiatrist’s advice because I shout at her...My close friends advise me to finish this friendship because of wasting time...I really liked her and thought that I could make a great friendship with her though.....I do not know why our friendship became so bad...

Could anyone kindly tell me how to cope with this situations and a friend with Asperger’s, please? 

Parents
  • Save yourself and run for the hills!  

    ...........must behave myself.....

  • Quite why should I run for the hills?

    And why should you need to behave yourself?

    You are entitled to be yourself on here, let no one TELL you otherwise,

    But Could I please ask politely that you refrain from telling people you speak for all autistics, “we”  “ us”.

    we are all different, in your replies you keep saying “us” as if all autistics are thinking the same as you, I do not think anything like you, you keep saying how”we” feel?

    you have no idea how I feel. Or what I am thinking, 

    You May have similar traits as me, you may understand me and me you, but you cannot begin to understand what I feel or how I care, 

    In all the time I have been here I have never heard comments such as yours, you are entitled to your opinions as am I. But please do not say you speak for me, , I am not trying to upset you or tell you what to say or do. I ask politely that you refrain from saying you talk for me and every person who is on the autistic spectrum,

    I wish you well, take care, 

    I offer a virtual hug which you can ignore if you wish. ().

    we don’t all accept hugs as we are all different,

  • Thanks for pointing out my errors in use of  us, we etc, it was remiss of me to use those words to make some points.

    There was no intention to elect myself as a speaker for everyone here in those posts. 

    Likewise you do not know what I am thinking or how I am feeling and I assure you that I am not angry so I would appreciate it if you didn't refer to me as being so.  

  • Thermals, layers, scarf etc. 

    Countryside will be just driving and a few stops to admire the view, it's too soggy and heavy underfoot.  Maybe a little tea shop visit will be in order. 

  • lucky you....dress warm...

  • out and about in the countryside and beach walk, blow the cobwebs away.

    lovely

  • Well, I hope somewhere nice.  All the best x

  • I shall be out for the day soon. 

    Water under the bridge.

  • And you have stuck up for yourself... don’t let it eat you up 

  • Thank you anonymous person 

    but wouldn't you want to stick up for yourself?!  

    You don't have the full story above, posts I have replied to have been deleted.

    Best wishes to you, have a nice day. 

  • I personally think once a reply is posted it should not be able to edit it.

    Some of your posts have been edited, some of them I cannot find now, but I have screenshots. 

  • ———————————————————————————————————————-

    good morning good people. A new day.... a fresh start... I hope all is well... 

    please let this go NAS35494 and LoneWarrior... life can be tough enough. For me, this forum is a place of sanctuary and respect and care..x

    Best wishes to both of you

  • A lot of posts have disappeared. 

  • I don't know what to make of you after this.

    I have read your long posts in the past and you seemed a nice guy and I deleted my posts because I didn't want to offend you or anyone else in here, I acted out of respect. 

    There never was any intention to be spokesperson for everyone, my posts were meant to be a means of pointing out that this person could not make assumptions about everyone from knowing just one person. So when I saw your post I thought oh no, I didn't meant to do that at all and I wiped them out to keep the peace with you and anyone else who thought the same. 

  • NAS35494 8 minutes ago in reply to Lonewarrior
    I stand corrected outside the headmasters office for detention and 40 lashes.

    —————————————————————————

    Hey no joke,

    i have been shaken so hard by teachers I threw up,

    i had many things thrown at   me,

    i had verbal abuse at school, teachers bullying me at infants school.

    Thank fully the cane was banned just as I was going up to  middle school.

    I wish you well.

    I personally think once a reply is posted it should not be able to edit it.

    Please feel free to read my long rambles, I am not a nasty guy, I don’t go round telling folks what they should do or say.

    take care, x()x

    oh and apologies for the hugs() It is something I do often, they are virtual as I don’t do hugs in reality..just ignore them if they offend.

  • I stand corrected outside the headmasters office for detention and 40 lashes.

  • Thank you. The thing is once you had replied and your words were read by the original poster, they  may have been words that changed the way they thought about things?  I read your words andvresponded, to then just delete them like that is so wrong,

    For instance if I say something really nasty to you and you are upset by my words and it causes you pain and sorrow, should I then be allowed to run away delete my unkind words and say no not me?,

    It is important to leave replies to give accountability to our  actions, 

    you could have been strong and apologised but left your words there.

    I will never tell anyone what they should say or do, I can suggest if I think it May help. I can ask politely that if something causes me to feel concern then  they might think about not doing it again!

    If I cause upset I like to think the person I upset or someone who notices my error will be polite enough to tell me, that way I learn and can try harder to be more thoughtful.

    x()x

  • I am not wishing to play this silly game any longer, 

    i politely asked for you to not include me in your thoughts, so far you have deleted and edited nearly all of your Replies?

    Quite why I do not know, you have made my replies look rediculouse, you make me out to be a liar by saying I am editing my replies, I have had to copy and paste yours as they keep changing,Well  you cannot edit the copies I have posted.

    i am off to sleep now, delete everything if you like but your replies I copied will stay.

    i havebthe screen captured ones if I need them, I shall read them and reassure myself I am not going crazy.

    I deleted and edited the earlier ones to remove them so they wouldn't offend you, it had not occured to me that they would have that effect of making you look ridiculous, it was not an intention at all.    

    I am not intending to make you out a liar, I asked if you had edited your post, not called you a liar, just asked if you had edited yours, then the responses grew from there. 

    i have no problem with you, I have just been trying to make amends but it seems to have made it worse. 

  • Maybe your words weren't there in the first place then - shame I didn't copy/quote them.  I have no option but to take your word for it as I have no proof otherwise, so thus you are right that my mind is playing games with me. 

    I have no intention to make you seem ridiculous by stating things and then changing my words. I changed them because you pointed out my error in using us/we and so I deleted those posts as I didn't want to offend everyone with them.  I was acting out of respect to you and others by removing my words. 

  • I am not wishing to play this silly game any longer, 

    i politely asked for you to not include me in your thoughts, so far you have deleted and edited nearly all of your Replies?

    Quite why I do not know, you have made my replies look rediculouse, you make me out to be a liar by saying I am editing my replies, I have had to copy and paste yours as they keep changing,Well  you cannot edit the copies I have posted.

    i am off to sleep now, delete everything if you like but your replies I copied will stay.

    i havebthe screen captured ones if I need them, I shall read them and reassure myself I am not going crazy.

    Take care and I wish you much happiness, () x() 

    NAS35494 10 minutes ago in reply to Lonewarrior
    You pointed out my error - it was a good call, honestly it was, so I deleted my posts.

    I could have replaced us/we with I/me but I couldn't be bothered, what if miss any? wasn't worth the effort, so I deleted them!

  • NAS35494 2 minutes ago in reply to Lonewarrior
    No you didn't say that I was angry, but you referred to anger/angry and now it isn't there.

    You said that i do not know how you feel or think etc and I was replying that likewise you do not know the same about me - so read that more carefully before you reply, I was saying the same goes for me as it does for you in that respect.

    You say my words are not there now?

    you edited and deleted nearly all of your replies?, Maybe your mind is playing games with you?

    I shall keep copying your replies as you seem to be trying to make me seem ridiculous by stating things and then changing your words,

    you should be more careful before Changing your words.

  • No you didn't say that I was angry, but you referred to anger/angry and now it isn't there. 

    You said that i do not know how you feel or think etc and I was replying that likewise you do not know the same about me - so read that more carefully before you reply, I was saying the same goes for me as it does for you in that respect. 

Reply
  • No you didn't say that I was angry, but you referred to anger/angry and now it isn't there. 

    You said that i do not know how you feel or think etc and I was replying that likewise you do not know the same about me - so read that more carefully before you reply, I was saying the same goes for me as it does for you in that respect. 

Children
  • Thank you. The thing is once you had replied and your words were read by the original poster, they  may have been words that changed the way they thought about things?  I read your words andvresponded, to then just delete them like that is so wrong,

    For instance if I say something really nasty to you and you are upset by my words and it causes you pain and sorrow, should I then be allowed to run away delete my unkind words and say no not me?,

    It is important to leave replies to give accountability to our  actions, 

    you could have been strong and apologised but left your words there.

    I will never tell anyone what they should say or do, I can suggest if I think it May help. I can ask politely that if something causes me to feel concern then  they might think about not doing it again!

    If I cause upset I like to think the person I upset or someone who notices my error will be polite enough to tell me, that way I learn and can try harder to be more thoughtful.

    You say that words should be left there, but then later you edited your responses to me and denied saying things that you had originally posted and accused me of making you out to be a liar when it was you that removed words from your post.  I find that hypocritical to say the least, if not manipulation against me.

    You are not my father or my boss, I do not need lectures or instruction from you. 

    You do not know what prompted my responses to the topic and quite frankly I do not care to tell you after your behaviours towards me, I don't owe you any explanations.

    You offered help - I do not need your help or salvation or wishes for happiness, I am quite well and happy and not anything that you implied in your replies.

    It is not weak to delete my posts out of respect for others.

    I have not said 'no, not me' so why write something like that?!  I have not denied what I wrote and I have made it clear enough that I deleted it out of respect for you and others in the forum.  However, you have edited your post to remove words then denied saying them! Double standards! Might I suggest you take some of your own advice?! 

  • I hate being called 'People'

    The fact is was giving respect to someone and got shot down in flames for it and manipulated against for it.  So much for respect.

  • you make me out to be a liar by saying I am editing my replies,

    Here are two pre-edited replies which you then denied editing.

    I would thank you to refrain from doing this and saying that I making you out to be a liar on public forums. 

      

      

  • My suspicion is that the posts vanish if you follow a link about an update that a user has made - e.g. an item in your "notifications" list.

    It *seems* to be the case that if you go to the root of the forums (http://community.autism.org.uk/f ) and then "drill down" to the thread concerned, you will get a coherent display.

    (I could be wrong, so don't treat this description as gospel)

    *If* I am correct, then this suggests that the "notifications" functionality somehow caches a snapshot of the thread, but crucially doesn't take a snapshot of the *entire* thread, just a part of it to provide the context for the notification?

  • I was puzzled by it and then had another look and it's a navigation issue, posts being rolled up? or whatever - having to load the next or previous posts.   But it's free and there are no annoying adverts. 

    So I had another look and found them, mystery resolved and my statement corrected.

  • The disappearing and reappearing posts is a well known problem on this site.

    It happens when we have too many posts.

  • A lot of posts have disappeared.

    actually those ones are elsewhere in here, my mistake.

  • Thermals, layers, scarf etc. 

    Countryside will be just driving and a few stops to admire the view, it's too soggy and heavy underfoot.  Maybe a little tea shop visit will be in order. 

  • lucky you....dress warm...

  • out and about in the countryside and beach walk, blow the cobwebs away.

    lovely

  • Well, I hope somewhere nice.  All the best x

  • I shall be out for the day soon. 

    Water under the bridge.

  • And you have stuck up for yourself... don’t let it eat you up 

  • Thank you anonymous person 

    but wouldn't you want to stick up for yourself?!  

    You don't have the full story above, posts I have replied to have been deleted.

    Best wishes to you, have a nice day. 

  • I personally think once a reply is posted it should not be able to edit it.

    Some of your posts have been edited, some of them I cannot find now, but I have screenshots. 

  • ———————————————————————————————————————-

    good morning good people. A new day.... a fresh start... I hope all is well... 

    please let this go NAS35494 and LoneWarrior... life can be tough enough. For me, this forum is a place of sanctuary and respect and care..x

    Best wishes to both of you

  • A lot of posts have disappeared. 

  • I don't know what to make of you after this.

    I have read your long posts in the past and you seemed a nice guy and I deleted my posts because I didn't want to offend you or anyone else in here, I acted out of respect. 

    There never was any intention to be spokesperson for everyone, my posts were meant to be a means of pointing out that this person could not make assumptions about everyone from knowing just one person. So when I saw your post I thought oh no, I didn't meant to do that at all and I wiped them out to keep the peace with you and anyone else who thought the same. 

  • NAS35494 8 minutes ago in reply to Lonewarrior
    I stand corrected outside the headmasters office for detention and 40 lashes.

    —————————————————————————

    Hey no joke,

    i have been shaken so hard by teachers I threw up,

    i had many things thrown at   me,

    i had verbal abuse at school, teachers bullying me at infants school.

    Thank fully the cane was banned just as I was going up to  middle school.

    I wish you well.

    I personally think once a reply is posted it should not be able to edit it.

    Please feel free to read my long rambles, I am not a nasty guy, I don’t go round telling folks what they should do or say.

    take care, x()x

    oh and apologies for the hugs() It is something I do often, they are virtual as I don’t do hugs in reality..just ignore them if they offend.

  • I stand corrected outside the headmasters office for detention and 40 lashes.