Published on 12, July, 2020
Other people seem to just be able to open their mouths and everything just comes glibly out and i can't say anything, it just feels fake and i can't find the words and there's no point because nobody will understand what i'm trying to say anyway. Well the last one is a condition of autism (inability to communicate), but the first two are my problem, as clearly everyone here can do this, so i need to learn. Any advice?
Also i don't understand this vocabulary that everyone uses nowadays, validate to me means check something like a hallmark; journey, life is not a journey, that's why they have different words; I said to someone, i need to feel that people feel i'm worth talking to and don't ignore me - they said, you mean validation, i'm like, no, i want to feel they feel i'm worth talking to. Why does everything have to be translated into this new language now and how do you learn it? This is a big problem for me, its ruined every attempt at counselling because i just can't make head nor tail of what they're on about and they won't speak plain english (i finally twigged that's what counselling means, it's a qualification in speaking this new language). It's because i'm old so i need a book to learn this new language, or maybe a website or videos?
Finally, my biggest problem is the insistence of the new language on translating a specific problem (feeling that i'm not worth talking to, for instance, or clamming up when feeling things) into some generic problem category, which i a) wasn't aware existed and b) don't think is my problem, i think my problem is the specific one i named. Is the translation into a generic stuff really what the new language does, is it necessary (eg to tackle a 'negative emotion', you need to discuss all negative emotions, not just your tendency to snap), or is it just a mistake of my understanding? Thanks a lot.
nb another big problem i have is, all my life i've relied on metaphors, which is very autistic: i speak the old language i grew up with in the countryside, where everything is metaphorical ('clamming up' 'clinging on' 'i just freeze' etc) and the new one is very not-concrete, full of words with no concrete meaning, like 'authenticity of feeling' (is this 'deep in your heart'?) or 'inappropriate' (i think this means, 'everyone hisses in disapproval') - is there a way other people who can't comprehend not-concrete language and concepts use to understand this new, more intellectual language? thanks!
Hi there, I don't think you can't express how you feel - I'm quite sure I understood what you are saying here, but it might be because I have the same problem... A counsellor kept asking me how all sorts of things made me feel, so I told her, and she corrected me with words that didn't describe at all how I felt. She probably thought I just don't use the "right" words because English isn't my first language, but it's not that, I meant exactly what I said. It's the counsellor (or other people) that have an issue there, unfortunately you suffer the consequences. Counsellors that have no idea about ASD should not be expected to help someone with ASD. They are more likely to cause more damage because without actually wanting to do so they rub it in what your very issue is, so they make you feel even more inadequate.
I've met quite a few British people that are pretty inflexible when it comes to language (in general, not just about emotions). Not sure why this is, but there is more than a grain of truth in the joke that if you aren't a native speaker and don't understand a word they are going to repeat it louder instead of using a different one. That's more common when people have little to do with foreigners, so maybe that's the same when people have little exposure to neurodiverse ways of thinking.
Sorry, got no advice for you really, except that a counsellor who specialises in ASD (or has it themselves) may work much better for you, at least I found this myself. I'd think you need to tackle the problem you have and the things it is related to or depends on, not some artificial category someone may place it in because they feel a need to fit everything in some box.