Totally Stuck and Need Practical Help and Some TLC

All my life I haven't quite fitted in, and I was hoping I was finally going to get a clear answer to what the problem is. Although the signs pointed to it being Aspergers, I didn't really care what the outcome was, as long as it was something clear and concise, so I could tell people what it is in a few words, and have clarity for my own benefit. Apparently I show some features of ASD, especially in social interaction, but "don't meet the full criteria for an ASD diagnosis". Reading through the relevant parts of DSM5, I tend to agree with that, but I find a lot more that fits when I read other stuff that's written about ASD. I also have "features of low mood and anxiety, especially social anxiety and some traits of anxious avoidant personality". Despite really struggling to get things done, I apparently don't have a deficit in executive functioning, and that problem is due to low mood. I thought low mood was something you were supposed to see your GP about if you had it for more than a couple of weeks, but I've had it for about 60 years!

I'd already pretty much switched off from the world while I was waiting for my assessment, and in the 18 months since getting the results I've switched off even more, so I now have almost no contact with anyone except my dog. How can I tell people that I've got a little bit of this, and a little bit of that, but haven't really got anything? I doubt if anyone would take me seriously. But I'm totally stuck, and can't see any future except being alone, lonely and struggling to cope, for the rest of my life. I've almost run out of energy, and hope, to keep going. Looking back, I can see that my life has been gradually falling apart for decades, and I'm now at the point where I'm in a situation I can't get out of without some serious practical help. I've never had a serious relationship, and don't think I've ever had any really close friends, but I need the sort of help and support I think only a partner or very close friends can give.

I can't go into detail, but the biggest problem I have at the moment relates to my house. If I sell, I'll lose a lot of money that I need to buy a decent home elsewhere, but if I stay I need to spend a lot of money doing it up, that will have to come from money that's effectively part of my barely adequate pension. At 62, I need a massive boost in my ability to cope with life to be able to earn much, if any, money. I totally freaked out an advisor at the CAB about 5 years ago with problem as it was then, who didn't have a clue where to start with the two lever arch files of paperwork I showed him!

At about the lowest point of my life, where I have almost no contact with other people, I think I need to fall in love for the first time, which might give me the energy I need to sort out the problems myself. Or I need a lot of hands on practical (and non judgmental) help to work out options, and carry them out, mostly involving building work and my personal finances. This really brings out what I'm sure is one of the biggest problems with me, my inability to make close connections with people, as all ideas I have for resolving things fall into a big black hole when I try to think about how I can get other people involved. I can't see that this type of support is available anywhere. So what can I do?

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  • I just posted in Elephant intherooms thread 2018 clawing out of the pit and one by Blueray and they all ( to me ) sort of fit together. I’m in my mid 50’s ( only diagnosed a year or so ago) and almost exactly in the same situation as you. Perhaps depression ( which I’ve learned to tolerate over decades) plays a part but think sheer exhaustion much more so. I’m trying to care for my dad, maintain my house and home, look after my own health issues, and of late that’s all I’ve been able to do. I find it very frustrating and keep having set backs of one kind or another. I’m in the process of social Services assessment but wonder how I will cope with any more people in my life and trying to add structure when I have really struggled recently just day to day and this week relishing being solitary to sooth my jangled body. The greatest benefit I’ve had from the forum is meeting new lovely people but that’s because I don’t feel so alone and so many experiences are like my own. I hope just knowing that you are not alone and there are others on their own, trying to take care of themselves and their home but finding it difficult offers some sort of consolation. Others have made practical suggestions so won’t add to those. 

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