-

-

Parents
  • "everyone is a bit like that"

    First off, I'm HF Autistic, and have ADHD.... and I believe everyone has traits of autism, but I am firm believer in people not belittling autism, or any mental illness, because.... "Everyone is a bit like that" .  Sincere Ignorance, has to be one of the most annoying things I can imagine. But I guess with enough pushing, and teaching, these people can slowly learn. I treat ignorance, with food for thought. 
    "Oh you find it hard to talk to people"  - 'everyone is a bit like that' - "Oh, so they'll struggle to make even small talk, and know facial expressions, and social ques?", If they say "Yes" Say "Cool, they might be autistic too then." 
     

    Well, it's 2018 and trying to think of the best way forward.

    I'm really trying to make 2018 my year, I'm ripping off this persona, I've used most my life to fit in, and if I lose friends, fine. I only got diagnosed not long ago but I can confirm, it is like an epiphany. It's like everything slots into place, why certain things and events happened certain ways.

    I got diagnosed a few months ago, but I really hate this persona I have, I'd prefer to be myself and happy, than someone im not and completely fake and unhappy.

    I hope you find your best way forward in 2018 Ellie! 
    p.s  - Sorry if this seems slightly angry, cs' it is, I get "Everyone is like that" a lot, and it stopped me from seeking certain help for a long time.

  • I'd prefer to be myself and happy, than someone im not and completely fake and unhappy.

    That is the aim...! and I am very lucky to have such wise people on here to support...but it seems one heck of a personal journey and it is tinged with sadness in that I have to gather all my inner Mo-Jo on my own.  Talk about mid-life crisis!! - :)   My OH thinks the cost of a diagnosis could be better spent.... grrrr!

Reply
  • I'd prefer to be myself and happy, than someone im not and completely fake and unhappy.

    That is the aim...! and I am very lucky to have such wise people on here to support...but it seems one heck of a personal journey and it is tinged with sadness in that I have to gather all my inner Mo-Jo on my own.  Talk about mid-life crisis!! - :)   My OH thinks the cost of a diagnosis could be better spent.... grrrr!

Children
  • Ewok?! EWOK!? How dare you... -shoots you with a slingshot-  *then thinks about CP30, our god.*

  • its a day out and I’ll pay for lunch! 

  • Thank you Missy. I have checked and the centre has a lot of experience in assessing women.. they have asked if I can bring someone who has known me since childhood... (non available)...and if I have a spouse/ partner.. ( I do but.... erm... they don’t get it).... if any one fancies being my nominated partner for the day, let me know! Lol

  • My dear Ellie., you are so worth the money spent on gettIng a diagnosis if that’s what you want to do. I think those who have followed this journey have had both what ifs what if they say I am or what if they say I am not? I hope you won’t let that stop you and I know you’re likely to feel all sorts of things whilst putting a case together to show why you believe you have asd. If you get the right person assessing you they will lead you, they will ask you things and you’ll be thinking “ oh my goodness is that part of it too!”  It is so affirming after years of confusion to have someone with you who “ just knows”. It is hard going on the journey by yourself, with a result which is just for you when you would like support and interest and belief from others and a result which makes a difference to others in your life too. Maybe it will.. As for how you go forward.. well one step at a time has to be my motto. Lean on your friends on this forum, take courage and do what feels right for you. Only time will tell what difference it makes to you and those around you. As you have read there is definitely a period of adjustment afterwards and thereafter how you use the knowledge is different for everyone. We have been inspired by women writers, authors, bloggers , people who have used the asd traits to advantage by harnessing those attributes and then those like me who didn’t find out soon enough not to be affected emotionally and physically which can happen if you force yourself to carry on carrying on with that mask. And trying to live by others requirements and standards. You already know it is a multifaceted conundrum but whatever you decide we are with you. 

  • More of an Ewok than a padawan, but with the wisdom of yoda! 

  • I think of myself more of a padawan than a youngling!  Sorry, I probably worded it wrongly, (the age thing) 
    Do what you feel is right! - The right people will support you regardless.
    No need to thank me, and you don't need to tell me twice... I love my ukelele. hehehe.

  • Thank you Foyster 

    For a youngling you are very wise...(thank you for reminding me that i am nearly twice your age!! - lol). I could ask for a doctor to refer me but I am a coward and impatient.  I don't really want to wait so long. The first half of my life has been clocked on the system...time to harness my own self for the second act! 

    Thanks again.  Keep playing that Ukulele!

  • It is very hard, I find myself reverting to NT pleasing persona now and then. It's horrible, but also quite empowering. 
    I'm only 22, so I Can't imagine starting from your age, more and more and more years of that fake persona, it is gonna be a rough journey, Im sure it'll be amazing when you get through it though. 
    I live in the UK so i got my diagnosis free, I was lucky, the waiting list for the diagnosis of Autism, is huge here (5-6 years) but I got in early, cs' my psychiatrist, felt it was detrimental, and knew how to do the diagnosis their self. 
    The feeling of being isolated, and on your own- and growing up, changing every ounce of yourself to fit in, is horrible. 
    I really wish you the best! :)