Difficult to write this

Hi everyone. (Sorry to bring the mood down) Most of you know I posted another thread about a housing situation which I obviously doing really well with. Now I have a completely different situation and I need advice on how to cope. My mum died last night erm as you can obviously understand the family are in complete shock (as well as me) I've had some challenges before but this is the ultimate challenge. How do I deal with this? 

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  • That is very sad to hear. I hope you are coping ok. My dad died two months ago, so i'm a little ahead of you with this process. My situation was quite different as he had been ill for several years and i had been caring for him for the last few months, so it is a different kind of shock for you entirely. I think there is some excellent advice on this thread already.

    I definitely had shock, fear, anger, sadness and despair. At first it was just constant and there seemed no escape from it and then after a few weeks it started coming and going. I couldn't cry at the very beginning but i did lots of writing to help process my thoughts which seemed to help a bit. I can barely remember that first week as i don't think i slept much and i just felt sick all the time. I'm still working through practical stuff with paperwork, which can be stressful but it does help to feel useful (as someone else said on here). But yes, one day and one task at a time otherwise it all gets too much.

    Sometimes things that you think will make you feel better really don't and things that you think you will really find a struggle actually go ok. Grief is very unpredictable for me. One of the hardest things i found was telling people the news, because for a lot of them it is of course a horrible shock and it really feels great upsetting them as well! It's especially awkward when you bump into people that you aren't friends with (say at the supermarket) but they ask about them and you have to just get it out the way as quickly as possible!

    My remaining family members are all experiencing this differently and that is fine. Some are struggling with panic attacks, some are crippled by sadness, some are doing ok and are able to focus more on the positive memories than what happened more recently. Personally i'm not there yet as i'm still having some nightmares and intrusive flashback type things (i assume because i was there at the end). There are just so many things that can trigger these thoughts when you have known someone your whole life. Some days it seems to be improving and then you find yourself back at square one, or so it feels. But this is not a linear process and i know i must be getting there slowly. I hope some of my experience is of use to you.

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