Hi everyone. (Sorry to bring the mood down) Most of you know I posted another thread about a housing situation which I obviously doing really well with. Now I have a completely different situation and I need advice on how to cope. My mum died last night erm as you can obviously understand the family are in complete shock (as well as me) I've had some challenges before but this is the ultimate challenge. How do I deal with this?
I'm so sorry for your loss. Was it something that was expected? Even so, it's still a terrible shock.
I lost my own mother this year. It was expected, though she carried on for far longer than we all thought. Like you, it was my ultimate challenge. I couldn't imagine what my life would be like beyond it. Looking back, I still find it remarkable how resilient I've been. But grief is different for everyone, and it can strike us when we least expect it. So your experience might be quite different. Lots of things helped me. Finding signs - coincidences though they might have been - that she was still 'there' in some way. Keeping her things around me. Writing about her life. And talking to people - especially on here. Like I said, we all deal with it differently. But talking helps a great deal, I think. My local hospice runs a bereavement group, which I attended. That, too, helped tremendously.
How supportive are your family? Do you have close friends you can turn to?
Keep talking. And take good care of yourself. That's also important.
My thoughts are with you.
Not expected at all. Turned out she had a brain anmeyisum (forgive the spelling) she had no idea. She went to sleep basically and.......................that was it. She felt no pain. I have my dad my sisters to erm........................talk to. I'm holding it together for now but any point I know I could break. Just trying not to do it in view of people
It's a small consolation - but it's a consolation. She didn't suffer.
I didn't really have anyone I could talk to. My brother is my closest-remaining family member, but we don't really get on. He doesn't understand me at all.
I managed to hold it together in front of others. Even at the funeral, where I delivered a eulogy. But if you break down, there's no shame in it.
Just take it a stage at a time. Figure out what needs to be done and go forwards with it - but don't take on anything you don't feel capable of handling. For me, the best thing I felt I could do was to get all the affairs settled so that I could then take the time I needed to mourn. It seemed like a monumental task - but it got done. It was, I felt, my best way of remembering and honouring her. And it kept me focused.
Keep talking to us. We're all with you. xx
So sorry to hear of your loss, My heart goes out to you at this difficult time.
The loss of my mother was by far the most difficult time for me, I had some one to talk to and although I felt like just pushing them away I finally allowed them to comfort and help me. I talked and they just listened.
I have watched you from your first post four months ago when a big new challenge was about to happen,you were about to move out from your family home and start a new journey living in your very own home, You had many concerns which were to be expected, but each time a challenge came up you found strength to keep going and accept the things that can go wrong go wrong for most.
We often talked about ways of dealing with things,you took notice and have always succeeded.
You kept me informed on how you were doing, it always put a smile on my face and a warm feeling in my heart to know you were doing so well
Now there is a very difficult loss to cope with and I know you can ask for help when it is needed, please allow others to help you as we all need much support at these difficult times. Please don’t try to keep things in your mind, find a family member and let the tears come out.
I hope you can share this and don’t be alone. I always end by telling you how very proud I am of what you have achieved, now I want to just give you my love and support when you need it most.xxx
Your mum saw you going through that change and all the obstacles, I am sure she was so pleased and proud to see you doing so well with all of that. You will have that and all the good things with her forever. You will also see your mum living on through your own quirks and good traits and through your siblings with all the inherited genes and how she has taught you through life.
oh no wonder you are all in shock, that is so sad.
My thoughts are with you all.
Please don’t keep it bottled up inside,,,when you need to let it out,,,I kept it in and pushed my family away,,, When I finally felt I could no longer keep it inside I let it all out,but as like you I didn’t want anyone to see it. I sat alone in my mums garden and just cried for ages,,,, itvtook a long time but I finally started to settle and thought of the good times and how my mum would worry to see me so upset,,,,take care xxx