Published on 12, July, 2020
I thought I had it all under control until this weekend. I finished xmas shopping 2 weeks ago (online of course).
Then this weekend happened and I remembered how much needs doing at home, none of which I will get any help with. In fact I will probably get made to feel guilty for spending so much time making sure our house doesn't look like a s%&t-tip when my family come on xmas day. I feel like I never manage to do anything anyway, because holding down my full time job with 4hr a day commute takes all the energy I have, and there's none left for anything else. Nor any time.
Add to that my neighbour (very elderly) called me yesterday, which is normally the precursor to my being summoned for something or another. It's mostly this which has caused my anxiety levels to go through the roof. I dread her phoning me. I don't have time to keep going over there and then I feel like a bad person because she's old and lonely ..... but on the other hand she has a live in carer and her family are in the same village as us, so why do I have to be made to feel that way? If I do go over there, I am always left feeling like I am being told off about something (you never come to see me, I could hear your husband's guitar the other day, do you want me to get my gardener to do xxxx in your garden, the implication being that I am not keeping it tidy enough for her ....) I just wish she would decide she doesn't like me and leave me alone. I also feel like I am being watched all the time. She knows when I go out, when I get home, when my mum last visited ..... I know she has nothing better to do, but it creeps me out tbh.
I thought I was doing really well with the whole xmas thing but now I feel like a wreck again and just want to hide in a corner. And I have got to work for half of this week. It's probably a good thing that I am here on my own now or I would probably end up losing it and yelling at someone by the end of the day. Has anyone else found a way to keep a lid on the xmas panic?
Ermmm.... yes
and this guy could well be me at Christmas
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-nottinghamshire-42043884
Shock! Horror! He likes to lock himself in his room! What's wrong with him?
Sounds like me, too. I spent most of my childhood alone in my room (though the door wasn't locked!)
Hee hee that's why I actually like doing all the cooking. That way I get to stay in the kitchen on my own for a few hours and everyone leaves me in peace. I used to get well-meant offers of help, but I think they've got used to the idea that I enjoy pottering about on my own now! I don't have to lock myself in, I just create an irresistable force field in the living room by putting all the booze in there..... that way the people stay in there too
This is why you lock everyone else in with at least some of the booze ... that way any little culinary faux pas are more likely to be overlooked ;-)