Good news :-)

A  couple of weeks ago I came clean with my work coach at the job centre (universal credit). I told her a little bit of what life is really like for me just now and she just stopped and stared right at me, and said ‘you need help’.

She called off the job search and said before I can even think about work, I need some help. She sprang into action, got the manager of the job centre involved, and made a referral to the local community wellbeing team, part of social services. And she was on their case, calling them when after a few days I hadn’t heard from them. They assured her they’d be in touch.

Today (written two days ago) the wellbeing officer called round and WoW, just WoW, I’m blown away.

I’ve had 50 years of doctors and therapists and other professionals, telling me that although they could see that I needed help, they didn’t know how to help me. I began to believe that it wasn’t possible for somebody to help me, but I’ve been proven wrong.

The woman (wellbeing officer) who admitted she knew little about autism, was amazing. She is exactly what I need and she’s going to be providing me with weekly support. She was so good.

She even realised that I would find it difficult to phone her if I needed to contact her so she said I could message her instead. She was so good. I can hardly believe this is happening.

Yesterday I had a huge row with my dad. He was basically saying I’m putting it on, that there’s nothing wrong with me. This upset me, but at the same time, while we were arguing, I was being me, which delighted me, as I’ve been suppressing myself for such a long time.

I haven’t argued with my dad, like that, for years, because I’ve been suppressing myself and while I’m not saying I’m going to keep on arguing with him, I was glad that I was able to be me, even if it wasn’t in a good way.

The wellbeing officer also said something which made me understand the situation better which gave me enormous empathy for my dad, which replaced the anger, sadness and frustration.

I’m finally learning to be in this world, even if I’m not of it. I can see I’m going to make mistakes, but I can accept that now, now that I’m finally getting the support I need.

It’s all baby steps but I’m going to turn this experience into a positive one. I’m going to set up a group for autistic adults and find ways to get all of our needs met in ways that provide us with a life we can be proud of and happy with, as well as getting our voices heard and spreading awareness. I think I can still run my business along side of that as well but all of this is in the future. I’m learning to let go of any attachment to all these plans and ideas, and I’m going to let them happen in their own time and in their own way.

For now, I’m going to give myself time and space to process and come to terms with my diagnosis. I’m going to look after me and build a solid foundation and allow that to blossom into ways in which I can help other people in my situation and somehow start a dialogue in which to educate people about autism and gain acceptance for us all. I have no idea how that will pan out and I’m not even going to think about it just now. I’m going to come to terms with the diagnosis and what that means for me and take it from there.

I’m beginning to realise, that this diagnosis is life changing. It’s positive and there’s nothing ‘wrong’ with being autistic but I have to look at life in a whole different light. From an autistic perspective and not an nt perspective and I believe I can build some semblance of a life which works for me. We all deserve that. And if I can do it, I’ll do what I can to help others. That’s always been my greatest wish, to help others. But first, I need to help me. That sounds weird! But it’s got to be done. No more masking and passing for me. I’m going to re-learn to be me, and hopefully in a nice way Blush

  • Thanks Deepthought. You’re right, he would definitely value being told he’s respected more than anything, that’s a good point. I think I’ll write it down in a card and give it to him. I’ve definitely got some of my most treasured values and qualities from him and I do admire his commitment to his family. Thank you. This is a good idea because I would love him to know how I really feel about him and he would really appreciate that. I have a feeling he’s not going to be with us for long. I hope I’m wrong but either way, I think it’s time for me to let him know how I feel about him and how grateful I am to him for all he’s done for me. He might not have always known what to do with me but he’s always stood by me, even though I didn’t speak to him for the first 16 years of my life, even though we lived in the same house. Thank you. And yes, the good news is really good. I think I’m still in shock! I definitely feel like a weight has lifted off me and I’m more prepared to face the future. 


  • BlueRay wrote:

    I’ll probably never be able to tell him that I love him but I can see that we’re finally getting some kind of connection going between us and that’s special.


    Just as possibility perhaps . . . 'blokey-bloke' fathers tend to respond better to being told that they are 'respected'; when really they are being told that they are loved. You might be able to gauge by so doing if the feeling of love could be put directly into words later maybe.

    Either way fair play, and on the 'Good news :-)' front ~ absolute bonus; well done! Yay!


  • And you, and yours x

  • Thanks Elie. I’m not sure me and my dad will ever actually talk (by my understanding of talking anyway, which, thinking about it, isn’t actually a conversation, it’s more like me talking! lol I’m not good at intimate connections!) ~ I think our little talk yesterday is as good as it’s gonna get but it’s closer than I ever thought possible. So there is definitely the possibility for you and your dad and that connection can happen in a moment and in unusual and surprising ways. Fingers crossed for you and your dad. X

  • No problem x

    I’m glad you’re making headway. My dad will be 69 next month and I still hope that I will get some proper time with him to talk properly before anything happens. He finds talking difficult.....so it’s tricky! 

    Anything I can help with, re supporting adult aspies and you.....just say x

  • Yeah, still on cloud 9, it’s a lot to take in. 

    My dad was told yesterday that the cancer isn’t curable but they can give him treatment that will give him some extra years. He’s taking it in his stride. I feel for him. I wish he could have followed his dream of living on a boat and travelling the world but at this stage in his life and with this news, I can see that having my mum with him is really helpful to him, so maybe he wasn’t meant to travel the world. I’m glad we had the big row the other day because at least it was a bit of an outlet for him as to how he’s really feeling. He always took his anger out on me and hasn’t done that for a while so in a weird way, I was some help to him and I was able to see that he’s not taking the news as well as everyone thinks he is, which wouldn’t be normal anyway. And by me sharing my current state of affairs with him yesterday, he was able to help me, which will mean a lot to him and it means a lot to me. I’ll probably never be able to tell him that I love him but I can see that we’re finally getting some kind of connection going between us and that’s special. I will miss him when he’s gone and I pray to god he doesn’t suffer too much but I’m also grateful for this time we have now, because although I don’t spend loads of time with him, I think we’re finally getting a better understanding of each other and that’s very comforting to me. He’s a good man who has always done his best for his family and even when that was s**t, you can’t ask more than that. Thanks for asking. X

  • Are things ok with your dad? 

  • Such positive news, you must be on cloud nine!

    x

  • Honestly, I’m beside myself. This is the best help I’ve had in 50 years! But I was determined. I felt like my back was against the wall. I absolutely needed help so I knew that someone somewhere had to help me because the alternative was losing my home and being on the streets because I wasn’t prepared to simply pick myself up and go back and do another job that wasn’t suitable to me only to burn out again. Not that I could just pick myself up again anyway this time. So I had no choice, I had to have help and that meant somebody somewhere had to give it to me. I never expected to ever be getting help from a wellbeing officer from the social services but it has turned out to be the best thing ever. Don’t give up. 

  • Hahahaha that made me laugh, and it’s probably true 

  • She was probably afraid she may catch it from you!

  • Lucky you!!!!!

    When I started signing on again after five months on sick. Leave.  I informed my new Universal credit work coach that It was suspected that I was autistic.  Her advice was to go back to my doctor and go back on sick leave.