Rearranging life’s sock drawer...

So.....since diagnosis (self or otherwise) what has shifted, if anything in terms of how you choose to live-blogging your life and who you live it with?

Has it caused the onset of changes in your routine, belief system, self-worth...?

Since my own self diagnosis....I see my differences from mainstream folk more distinctly and realise that not only that I don’t fit, and nor to I want too!

i want to move from subsisting (or merely functioning) and  fitting in at the periphery of life....and take back the reigns..

your thoughts and experiences would be good to hear.

  • And that seed is often discussions on here or with fellow correctly wired people as opposed to incorrectly wired neurotypical people

  • Very much the same.  To continue with the song... 'We're gonna have to reap from some seed that's been sowed.' Slight smile

  • I know I need help but there’s not help to be found

    Very true...but I hope you’re still able to keep going x

  • Thank you Tom. You know me from when I first boarded this ship in the summer...and now I am ready to shift things up a gear.....from acceptance, to next steps.

    i can see that crew of “normal” (sic) people and that I don’t identify with them...now is my dilemma whether to remove myself entirely from their company....or the shift that is needed, as you put it to “stop worrying” and carry on coexisting

  • I can relax and be myself and not worry so much about conforming. I can see where, when and why I find things difficult, but not always what to do about it. It allows me to take time out when I need to, it allows me to avoid situations that I find difficult, and to say to others how I need to be treated to cope.

    On the negative side I know I need help but there’s not help to be found, to quite Dire Straits “Telegraph Row”

  • Hi Ellie,

    Well... I could go on forever!  Being an autie, an' all!

    I felt much more comfortable once the idea was established in my head, with my MH therapist's help, that I was most likely on the spectrum.  But, for me - and this won't be the case for everyone - it still felt like I was using an excuse.  I didn't have anything on paper.  I didn't have that official seal, if you like.  I think, since actually getting that piece of paper (or several pieces!), things have changed a lot more.  I've felt much more self-assured.  My mental health has improved, too.  I'm now not going to my GP every couple of weeks with another bout of huge anxiety because I'm being asked to do something at work that I don't want to do.  I don't get so depressed as I used to, usually because I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me - and neither could the doctors.  'What have you got to be depressed about?' they used to ask.  'I don't really know,' I would answer - then feel like a fraud.

    Since diagnosis, I see the world and other people in an entirely different way, too.  I always have, to some extent.  For years, I puzzled over why people seemed to do this or that - things that never interested me, whatever they might be.  I never understood why people liked to be 'joiners' or 'belongers', whereas I never did.  I never understood slavish (as I saw it) preoccupations with fashion, celebrities, TV shows.  Wherever I worked, over the years, I generally felt 'on the margins' - and most definitely like other people were always talking about me behind my back.  That was another thing I never understood: gossip.  Why do people gang up on someone else when they're not there, then be perfectly nice to them when they are there?  If you have an issue with someone - tell them.  If you see someone doing something patently wrong - tell them.  The possibility is that they might not realise it.  Don't let them go on doing it, then use it as an excuse to vilify and ridicule them.

    Now... I'm about as comfortable in my own skin as I've ever been (though I still get my moments.)  I'm out of the closet.  This is me!  Take me as you find me - and if you don't like me, so be it!  I no longer feel I have to try to court approval from anyone.  I don't feel the pressure to try to keep up, and maintain friendships.  I do what pleases me.  I still people-please, of course - but now it's more for genuine reasons than to simply try to get people to like me.  I define myself by my condition to a good extent - but not all the time.  I don't use it as an excuse for every little peccadillo!

    Also, I don't feel any pressures - as I once did, because I was afraid people would think me 'odd' - to have relationships.  If something happens, it does - but it would need to be on certain terms, because I can't manage cohabitation.  I'm also happy to continue to be a 'loner' - as I've been for most of my life - without worrying if people are thinking that I'm a serial killer or a pervert.  Basically... I've stopped worrying what other people think!

    How's that for starters? :)

  • I am not happy with diagnosing myself. I don't trust my own judgment. So I am seeking a psychological diagnosis. 

    For me the big difference since it was identified that I could be autistic is self awareness. I am more able to appreciate things that cause me anxiety, which is why my depression kept relapsing. So yes being able to see the differences between myself and other people was key.