I am autistic and so is my child. All my family know about my child's diagnosis and some know about mine. Despite this, I feel intense rejection or isolation from some members of my family. As though every time my child gets upset the other children are whisked away and told it's not their fault (not that it is is there fault but it's the whisk them off and turn their back on my child which hurts). If any other child in my family was upset I would try and comfort them and reassure them. This doesn't seem to happen for my child (by some).
I feel such intense loneliness sometimes and that is my worse fear for my child; that they will be lonely. It hurts so incredibly much that some members of my family seem to struggle to accept us. It could be my own misinterpretation but it causes such anxiety and nausea.
Has anyone else felt this kind of rejection and loneliness and it be unfounded? I want it to be unfounded.
Yes to the rejection and loneliness. I'm sorry, but it isn't unfounded, even though you want that to be true, and probably quite badly, because logically all parents want the best for their children, and at a minimum want their children to be happy.
My adult son was apparently diagnosed with Aspergers many years ago (my ex-wife never bothered to tell me). He was socially isolated throughout his school years and was also bullied to some extent for being identifiably different to his peers.
He has ended up with a bunch of mental health challenges and after becoming suicidal because of the expectations and pressure (from the school he was in) has been seeing a psychologist and a therapist for his depression.
Despite suppressing my own feelings as a strategy to get me through life, I have my own "issues".
Such honest and heart felt replies.....I feel lonely most of the time and it can hurt a great deal.
i have times when I do connect.....and that hurts too, at times, just because it can make the loneliness even more stark.
i feel connected here...but then that puts even more sharply into frame my isolation offline x
I’m sorry to hear that your son has previously experienced suicidal feelings. If he is ever unable to cope with distress or despair in the future, it’s very important he tells someone about his feelings or thoughts of suicide. He should call his GP and make an urgent appointment. His GP would make sure he gets appropriate help and support.
If it’s outside GP hours he could call 111 to reach the NHS 111 service: http://www.nhs.uk/NHSEngland/AboutNHSservices/Emergencyandurgentcareservices/Pages/NHS-111.aspx
The Samaritans also provide confidential non-judgemental emotional support, 24 hours a day on 116 123, or by email on email@example.com.
MIND have information pages on coping with self harm or suicidal feelings based on the experiences of people who’ve been through it that he may find helpful.
If he is ever very close to doing something to hurt himself he should call 999 or go to his nearest A&E department. There should be someone there to support him and make sure he gets ongoing support.
If you or your son need help with an autism related issue, our helpline can be emailed on firstname.lastname@example.org or they’re open Monday to Thursday 10am-4pm and Friday 9am-3pm on 0808 800 4104.
Thank you for your concern, but my adult son lives overseas with his mother, so the NHS is a bit irrelevant.
I did try calling the helpline myself to find out about what resources might be available to an adult with likely Aspergers (me), but after ten minutes on hold I was cut off by the automated systems.
I might try email in future. Thanks.
I have spent years living with a ten-year-old's solution to that: putting up walls to the extent that you aren't even aware of what you're feeling half the time. On the plus side, it allowed me to function out in the world, and I could surmount challenges that might have stymied me if I'd let those troublesome feelings get in the way.
Of course, with this sudden realisation of ASD, those walls are crumbling a bit, and it's not very pretty. At least it hasn't gotten bad enough to start carrying a Samaritans card around in my wallet again, just in case.