Feelings of loneliness?

I am autistic and so is my child. All my family know about my child's diagnosis and some know about mine. Despite this, I feel intense rejection or isolation from some members of my family. As though every time my child gets upset the other children are whisked away and told it's not their fault (not that it is is there fault but it's the whisk them off and turn their back on my child which hurts). If any other child in my family was upset I would try and comfort them and reassure them. This doesn't seem to happen for my child (by some).

I feel such intense loneliness sometimes and that is my worse fear for my child; that they will be lonely. It hurts so incredibly much that some members of my family seem to struggle to accept us. It could be my own misinterpretation but it causes such anxiety and nausea. 

Has anyone else felt this kind of rejection and loneliness and it be unfounded? I want it to be unfounded.

Parents
  • Yes to the rejection and loneliness. I'm sorry, but it isn't unfounded, even though you want that to be true, and probably quite badly, because logically all parents want the best for their children, and at a minimum want their children to be happy.

    My adult son was apparently diagnosed with Aspergers many years ago (my ex-wife never bothered to tell me). He was socially isolated throughout his school years and was also bullied to some extent for being identifiably different to his peers.

    He has ended up with a bunch of mental health challenges and after becoming suicidal because of the expectations and pressure (from the school he was in) has been seeing a psychologist and a therapist for his depression.

    Despite suppressing my own feelings as a strategy to get me through life, I have my own "issues".

  • When does loneliness become something else?

  • @NAS6319, I'm not sure we're qualified to answer that. If you're stuck inside a situation it can sometimes be difficult to remain sufficiently objective.

    You should perhaps ask this question of a fully qualified mental health professional.

  • I hope you are visualising a fully grown elephant on a very small pink bike at this point! Happy Friday everyone out there! 

  • Thank you.....so, next time you throw such a pertinent bomb of self-realisation....be mindful not to blow my tassels off! Laughing 

    keep being you..

    bell rung, handle bars turned, and she resumes her pedal..........,now to find a flat path for a bit so I’m ready for the next hill climb! 


  • Elephantintheroom wrote:

    "Thank you DeepThought and sorry for not replying sooner....


    Glad to have been of some assistance, and apologies concerning response times so not required, everything in its own time and all that.


    Elephantintheroom wrote

    this epiphany was rather less welcome than a seizure! Lol.  


    Reads like you had a apocalypse (in the catastrophic sense) rather than as such an epiphany! 


    Then you counteract such a whollop of realisation with such a BIG sweet reply.


    Well affirmation deprivation is a big problem in society, the number of sufferers is huge, and an offering of you 'are' wonderful does help to dispel the lies and flies of being otherwise.


    im ok....been shopping today and bought myself a new Aspie vehicle to keep me going. This one has stabilisers! I think my wobbly trajectory will improve x


    Nice colour bike I like. Love also the air speed and direction indicator tassels on the handle-bar-ends, and upfront the pyramidic flower power shopping or picnic basket ~ unless of course your using a cat, dog or any other suitably befitting GPS navigation pet for the basket?


  • Thank you DeepThought and sorry for not replying sooner....this epiphany was rather less welcome than a seizure! Lol.  Then you counteract such a whollop of realisation with such a BIG sweet reply.

    im ok....been shopping today and bought myself a new Aspie vehicle to keep me going. This one has stabilisers! I think my wobbly trajectory will improve x


  • Elephantintheroom wrote:

    Well DeepThought, that has really cheered me up! ;/


    Flushed Cor-lum-fleecy-mits ~ as attached by a ribbon so can you only lose both mittens if they are not stitched (or safety pinned) to the name-tag sewn on the collar of your coat; and cor-blimey-fleecy-socks-and-hat too ~ you must of been really depressed if the seven signs of chronic loneliness cheered you up! Flushed

    This is heartfelt sent and deeply meant to cheer you up (and everyone reading this) because you are wonderful, and as a reminder that you are wonderful, if you had forgotten at all, the following are heartfelt sent and deeply meant for you to have in your heart and keep begotten:

    7.) A hug of joy for the Rational-Self of you (X) Hugging

    6.) A hug of joy for the Sentimental-Self of you (X) Hugging

    5.) A hug of joy for the Communicational-Self of you (X) Hugging

    4.) A hug of joy for the Emotional-Self of you (X) Hugging

    3.) A hug of joy for the Imaginal-Self of you (X) Hugging

    2.) A hug of joy for the Reproductional-Self of you (X) Hugging

    1.) A hug of joy for the Sensational Self of you (X) Hugging

    So no matter how good or bad you may be feeling, make a little effort to do it wonderfully each and every day because you really are wonderful.  (√ ) Nerd


    Elephantintheroom wrote:

    This Elephantintheroom identifies with all of the above - with or without the irony of number 6.


    Having the seven signs of chronic loneliness for a proportion of people on the autistic spectrum is pretty much a certainty, what with the diagnostic triad of social impairments being:


    Social Interaction

    People with Asperger syndrome often have difficulty 'reading' other people - recognising or understanding others’ feelings and intentions - and expressing their own emotions. This can make it very hard for them to navigate the social world.

    Social Imagination

    Autistic people, including those with Asperger syndrome, have difficulties with interpreting both verbal and non-verbal language like gestures or tone of voice. Many have a very literal understanding of language, and think people always mean exactly what they say.

    Social Communication

    Autistic people, including those with Asperger syndrome, have difficulties with interpreting both verbal and non-verbal language like gestures or tone of voice. Many have a very literal understanding of language, and think people always mean exactly what they say.


    Copied and pasted from:


    www.autism.org.uk/.../asperger.aspx


  • <joke>

    Just think of all the landfill waste we're avoiding!

    "Autistic folk save planet" has a nice ring to it, don't you think? Maybe it could be the splash headline on the next NAS magazine after Xmas.

    </joke>

  • I thought that might be the case on both counts. I hope you can make some space for yourself too. Dancing in treacle is such a good way to put it! I’ve had to focus on my dad a lot more recently amongst other things. 

  • Me....

    1 x card 

  • A household of guests have been organised throughout, plus marking 

    it is good to hear from you...so you are dancing in a thick puddle of treacle :( 

  • Hello Ellie Slight smileX. My bubble is rather overwhelming at the moment. I make a bit of progress but then things get in a jumble or take a few steps back  and I can’t keep up! And so it continues. How’s yours? Looking forward to 2 weeks off soon? Or is that more being busy but a different kind? 

  • Hi Missy.....how’s your bubble.? X

  • Me too Ellie. And Deepthought. Sadly I identify all too well with the numbered points 

  • Hmm. 

    Can I suggest that you (and the rest of us, for that matter) stay well away from the medical section of https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/0141985542/

    (joke, and yes, I know I must be showing my age...)

  • The comprehensive and black and white-ness-ness is the situation in a nutshell!!!! - the term "suffering from"....didn't help either!

    Almost the same as the knocking of my elephant stuffing when reading through Tania Marshalls Aspie Woman's checklist the first 20 times!

    DeepThought may possibly attribute this is a fairly common comorbidity with ASD/Aspie people.....as with anxiety, depression, dyslexia, etc etc

    Please no one post any other checklists or tests....or I may end up with a long list of attributes/conditions and afflictions! (joke)

  • Oh , was it really such a surprise, given the collective posts on this thread? Or simply a bit of a shock "seeing your suspicions in black and white"? I can totally relate to the latter feeling, hence my "knocked sideways" introductory post.

  • I wrote out our Xmas cards yesterday. It didn't take long!

    5 immediate neighbours that we hardly speak to,

    3 cards to family, (which is an increase on last year),

    1 card to the centenarian that lives next door to my childhood home.

    1 card to a friend. We actually meet about once a year, but might exchange messages every few months. 

  • Well DeepThought, that has really cheered me up! ;/

    This Elephantintheroom identifies with all of the above - with or without the irony of number 6.


  • Further more:


    Jennifer Garam wrote:

    In my experience Katz is right: the times I have pushed through my resistance to broach the subject with a friend and tell them that it hurts my feelings when they're unresponsive to my calls, texts, or attempts to get together, they've almost always apologized and explained what's been going on in their life to cause them to be so out of touch.

    "It takes a lot of courage to truly reach out in such a way that you're going to be seen by other people, but it's imperative that we do it," Katz says. For him, one of the highest levels of friendship involves connecting through brokenness. "The people I've shown my brokenness to and seen their brokenness are inevitably the people who are my best friends," he says. "And it's a very hard thing to do, but we can use our loneliness as a way to connect."


    Copied and Pasted from:


    https://tonic.vice.com/en_us/article/9bkvyy/whats-it-like-to-have-chronic-loneliness



  • The Seven Signs Of Suffering From Chronic Loneliness:


    1. You've got loads of acquaintances, but not many REAL friends.

    2. Feeling isolated and alone is your default setting.

    3. It feels like you're always trying to make plans.

    4. You feel like there's a barrier between you and the world.

    5. You crave real connection, but it takes a LOT of time for you to recharge your social batteries.

    6. You feel like no one really SEES you.

    7. You can't remember the last time you didn't feel this way.


    Copied and pasted from:


    http://www.yourtango.com/2016298174/what-is-chronic-loneliness-and-do-you-have-it


Reply Children
  • I think you’re right, maybe that’s why I love parks and swings. I’ve never read Lord of the Flies but if it’s like what’s in my head, I could have wrote it! Lol! 

  • I am very childlike.....I guess harking back to happier and more care free times.....bikes and swings.....rather than this Lord of the Flies existence x

  • Loving the image ~ I pictured a big and interesting park full of us, all on bikes, small ones of course, speeding around, happy as hell, delivering messages to each other then ringing our bellsNo good tone1aking out tassels and off we go again! #parklife

  • And you too ellie.

    i can see that image Lol. Hope you get to glide that path for a little while before the climb,maybe the stabilisers could be removed by then?

    take care you and all, deep thought I like you much, 

  • I hope you are visualising a fully grown elephant on a very small pink bike at this point! Happy Friday everyone out there! 

  • Thank you.....so, next time you throw such a pertinent bomb of self-realisation....be mindful not to blow my tassels off! Laughing 

    keep being you..

    bell rung, handle bars turned, and she resumes her pedal..........,now to find a flat path for a bit so I’m ready for the next hill climb! 


  • Elephantintheroom wrote:

    "Thank you DeepThought and sorry for not replying sooner....


    Glad to have been of some assistance, and apologies concerning response times so not required, everything in its own time and all that.


    Elephantintheroom wrote

    this epiphany was rather less welcome than a seizure! Lol.  


    Reads like you had a apocalypse (in the catastrophic sense) rather than as such an epiphany! 


    Then you counteract such a whollop of realisation with such a BIG sweet reply.


    Well affirmation deprivation is a big problem in society, the number of sufferers is huge, and an offering of you 'are' wonderful does help to dispel the lies and flies of being otherwise.


    im ok....been shopping today and bought myself a new Aspie vehicle to keep me going. This one has stabilisers! I think my wobbly trajectory will improve x


    Nice colour bike I like. Love also the air speed and direction indicator tassels on the handle-bar-ends, and upfront the pyramidic flower power shopping or picnic basket ~ unless of course your using a cat, dog or any other suitably befitting GPS navigation pet for the basket?


  • Thank you DeepThought and sorry for not replying sooner....this epiphany was rather less welcome than a seizure! Lol.  Then you counteract such a whollop of realisation with such a BIG sweet reply.

    im ok....been shopping today and bought myself a new Aspie vehicle to keep me going. This one has stabilisers! I think my wobbly trajectory will improve x


  • Elephantintheroom wrote:

    Well DeepThought, that has really cheered me up! ;/


    Flushed Cor-lum-fleecy-mits ~ as attached by a ribbon so can you only lose both mittens if they are not stitched (or safety pinned) to the name-tag sewn on the collar of your coat; and cor-blimey-fleecy-socks-and-hat too ~ you must of been really depressed if the seven signs of chronic loneliness cheered you up! Flushed

    This is heartfelt sent and deeply meant to cheer you up (and everyone reading this) because you are wonderful, and as a reminder that you are wonderful, if you had forgotten at all, the following are heartfelt sent and deeply meant for you to have in your heart and keep begotten:

    7.) A hug of joy for the Rational-Self of you (X) Hugging

    6.) A hug of joy for the Sentimental-Self of you (X) Hugging

    5.) A hug of joy for the Communicational-Self of you (X) Hugging

    4.) A hug of joy for the Emotional-Self of you (X) Hugging

    3.) A hug of joy for the Imaginal-Self of you (X) Hugging

    2.) A hug of joy for the Reproductional-Self of you (X) Hugging

    1.) A hug of joy for the Sensational Self of you (X) Hugging

    So no matter how good or bad you may be feeling, make a little effort to do it wonderfully each and every day because you really are wonderful.  (√ ) Nerd


    Elephantintheroom wrote:

    This Elephantintheroom identifies with all of the above - with or without the irony of number 6.


    Having the seven signs of chronic loneliness for a proportion of people on the autistic spectrum is pretty much a certainty, what with the diagnostic triad of social impairments being:


    Social Interaction

    People with Asperger syndrome often have difficulty 'reading' other people - recognising or understanding others’ feelings and intentions - and expressing their own emotions. This can make it very hard for them to navigate the social world.

    Social Imagination

    Autistic people, including those with Asperger syndrome, have difficulties with interpreting both verbal and non-verbal language like gestures or tone of voice. Many have a very literal understanding of language, and think people always mean exactly what they say.

    Social Communication

    Autistic people, including those with Asperger syndrome, have difficulties with interpreting both verbal and non-verbal language like gestures or tone of voice. Many have a very literal understanding of language, and think people always mean exactly what they say.


    Copied and pasted from:


    www.autism.org.uk/.../asperger.aspx


  • <joke>

    Just think of all the landfill waste we're avoiding!

    "Autistic folk save planet" has a nice ring to it, don't you think? Maybe it could be the splash headline on the next NAS magazine after Xmas.

    </joke>

  • I thought that might be the case on both counts. I hope you can make some space for yourself too. Dancing in treacle is such a good way to put it! I’ve had to focus on my dad a lot more recently amongst other things. 

  • Me....

    1 x card 

  • A household of guests have been organised throughout, plus marking 

    it is good to hear from you...so you are dancing in a thick puddle of treacle :( 

  • Hello Ellie Slight smileX. My bubble is rather overwhelming at the moment. I make a bit of progress but then things get in a jumble or take a few steps back  and I can’t keep up! And so it continues. How’s yours? Looking forward to 2 weeks off soon? Or is that more being busy but a different kind? 

  • Hi Missy.....how’s your bubble.? X

  • Me too Ellie. And Deepthought. Sadly I identify all too well with the numbered points 

  • Hmm. 

    Can I suggest that you (and the rest of us, for that matter) stay well away from the medical section of https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/0141985542/

    (joke, and yes, I know I must be showing my age...)

  • The comprehensive and black and white-ness-ness is the situation in a nutshell!!!! - the term "suffering from"....didn't help either!

    Almost the same as the knocking of my elephant stuffing when reading through Tania Marshalls Aspie Woman's checklist the first 20 times!

    DeepThought may possibly attribute this is a fairly common comorbidity with ASD/Aspie people.....as with anxiety, depression, dyslexia, etc etc

    Please no one post any other checklists or tests....or I may end up with a long list of attributes/conditions and afflictions! (joke)

  • Oh , was it really such a surprise, given the collective posts on this thread? Or simply a bit of a shock "seeing your suspicions in black and white"? I can totally relate to the latter feeling, hence my "knocked sideways" introductory post.