Feelings of loneliness?

I am autistic and so is my child. All my family know about my child's diagnosis and some know about mine. Despite this, I feel intense rejection or isolation from some members of my family. As though every time my child gets upset the other children are whisked away and told it's not their fault (not that it is is there fault but it's the whisk them off and turn their back on my child which hurts). If any other child in my family was upset I would try and comfort them and reassure them. This doesn't seem to happen for my child (by some).

I feel such intense loneliness sometimes and that is my worse fear for my child; that they will be lonely. It hurts so incredibly much that some members of my family seem to struggle to accept us. It could be my own misinterpretation but it causes such anxiety and nausea. 

Has anyone else felt this kind of rejection and loneliness and it be unfounded? I want it to be unfounded.

Parents
  • Yes to the rejection and loneliness. I'm sorry, but it isn't unfounded, even though you want that to be true, and probably quite badly, because logically all parents want the best for their children, and at a minimum want their children to be happy.

    My adult son was apparently diagnosed with Aspergers many years ago (my ex-wife never bothered to tell me). He was socially isolated throughout his school years and was also bullied to some extent for being identifiably different to his peers.

    He has ended up with a bunch of mental health challenges and after becoming suicidal because of the expectations and pressure (from the school he was in) has been seeing a psychologist and a therapist for his depression.

    Despite suppressing my own feelings as a strategy to get me through life, I have my own "issues".

  • When does loneliness become something else?

Reply Children
  • I think you’re right, maybe that’s why I love parks and swings. I’ve never read Lord of the Flies but if it’s like what’s in my head, I could have wrote it! Lol! 

  • I am very childlike.....I guess harking back to happier and more care free times.....bikes and swings.....rather than this Lord of the Flies existence x

  • Loving the image ~ I pictured a big and interesting park full of us, all on bikes, small ones of course, speeding around, happy as hell, delivering messages to each other then ringing our bellsNo good tone1aking out tassels and off we go again! #parklife

  • ...such as...? 

  • And you too ellie.

    i can see that image Lol. Hope you get to glide that path for a little while before the climb,maybe the stabilisers could be removed by then?

    take care you and all, deep thought I like you much, 

  • I hope you are visualising a fully grown elephant on a very small pink bike at this point! Happy Friday everyone out there! 

  • Thank you.....so, next time you throw such a pertinent bomb of self-realisation....be mindful not to blow my tassels off! Laughing 

    keep being you..

    bell rung, handle bars turned, and she resumes her pedal..........,now to find a flat path for a bit so I’m ready for the next hill climb! 


  • Elephantintheroom wrote:

    "Thank you DeepThought and sorry for not replying sooner....


    Glad to have been of some assistance, and apologies concerning response times so not required, everything in its own time and all that.


    Elephantintheroom wrote

    this epiphany was rather less welcome than a seizure! Lol.  


    Reads like you had a apocalypse (in the catastrophic sense) rather than as such an epiphany! 


    Then you counteract such a whollop of realisation with such a BIG sweet reply.


    Well affirmation deprivation is a big problem in society, the number of sufferers is huge, and an offering of you 'are' wonderful does help to dispel the lies and flies of being otherwise.


    im ok....been shopping today and bought myself a new Aspie vehicle to keep me going. This one has stabilisers! I think my wobbly trajectory will improve x


    Nice colour bike I like. Love also the air speed and direction indicator tassels on the handle-bar-ends, and upfront the pyramidic flower power shopping or picnic basket ~ unless of course your using a cat, dog or any other suitably befitting GPS navigation pet for the basket?


  • Thank you DeepThought and sorry for not replying sooner....this epiphany was rather less welcome than a seizure! Lol.  Then you counteract such a whollop of realisation with such a BIG sweet reply.

    im ok....been shopping today and bought myself a new Aspie vehicle to keep me going. This one has stabilisers! I think my wobbly trajectory will improve x

  • Another thing I'm finding quite upsetting on here at times is when it makes me realise how much others have suffered because of what I thought was sort of normal (or didn't think about it at all), especially parents. Guess I also thought it is clear that I'm not behaving badly intentionally and certainly not to achieve something - get things my way mainly, but it turns out it really isn't because this is what parents seem to think a lot. I wished they understood this (everybody's parents), it would make things a lot easier for everybody involved. I'm almost glad now I don't have a partner because I would feel incredibly guilty for all sorts of pain I would cause without wanting or even noticing it.


  • Elephantintheroom wrote:

    Well DeepThought, that has really cheered me up! ;/


    Flushed Cor-lum-fleecy-mits ~ as attached by a ribbon so can you only lose both mittens if they are not stitched (or safety pinned) to the name-tag sewn on the collar of your coat; and cor-blimey-fleecy-socks-and-hat too ~ you must of been really depressed if the seven signs of chronic loneliness cheered you up! Flushed

    This is heartfelt sent and deeply meant to cheer you up (and everyone reading this) because you are wonderful, and as a reminder that you are wonderful, if you had forgotten at all, the following are heartfelt sent and deeply meant for you to have in your heart and keep begotten:

    7.) A hug of joy for the Rational-Self of you (X) Hugging

    6.) A hug of joy for the Sentimental-Self of you (X) Hugging

    5.) A hug of joy for the Communicational-Self of you (X) Hugging

    4.) A hug of joy for the Emotional-Self of you (X) Hugging

    3.) A hug of joy for the Imaginal-Self of you (X) Hugging

    2.) A hug of joy for the Reproductional-Self of you (X) Hugging

    1.) A hug of joy for the Sensational Self of you (X) Hugging

    So no matter how good or bad you may be feeling, make a little effort to do it wonderfully each and every day because you really are wonderful.  (√ ) Nerd


    Elephantintheroom wrote:

    This Elephantintheroom identifies with all of the above - with or without the irony of number 6.


    Having the seven signs of chronic loneliness for a proportion of people on the autistic spectrum is pretty much a certainty, what with the diagnostic triad of social impairments being:


    Social Interaction

    People with Asperger syndrome often have difficulty 'reading' other people - recognising or understanding others’ feelings and intentions - and expressing their own emotions. This can make it very hard for them to navigate the social world.

    Social Imagination

    Autistic people, including those with Asperger syndrome, have difficulties with interpreting both verbal and non-verbal language like gestures or tone of voice. Many have a very literal understanding of language, and think people always mean exactly what they say.

    Social Communication

    Autistic people, including those with Asperger syndrome, have difficulties with interpreting both verbal and non-verbal language like gestures or tone of voice. Many have a very literal understanding of language, and think people always mean exactly what they say.


    Copied and pasted from:


    www.autism.org.uk/.../asperger.aspx


  • Oktanol, I was just thinking the same ~ I can’t quite decide if it helps to find out others have exactly the same issues although after reading elephantintheroom’s comments, I suddenly feel lighter in my mood. Reading that list shook me up. 

  • <joke>

    Just think of all the landfill waste we're avoiding!

    "Autistic folk save planet" has a nice ring to it, don't you think? Maybe it could be the splash headline on the next NAS magazine after Xmas.

    </joke>

  • I thought that might be the case on both counts. I hope you can make some space for yourself too. Dancing in treacle is such a good way to put it! I’ve had to focus on my dad a lot more recently amongst other things. 

  • I think it’s an odd combination or both those things. I don’t just feel it in the worknplace or school but  amongst family and socially. I think it’s one of the reasons I have withdrawn more. 

  • Processing is one thing, articulating and moving forward is challenging, but not impossible  

  • Yes, and processing and realising what would help isn't really all it takes. If that offends or irritates others then it only isolates more. Guess that's also a problem NAS6319 has.

  • A double edged sword....revealed is what you are dealing with....so greater understanding...but then the need to process and manage it

  • I think it does help me, it seems a bit more normal if others have similar issues, less of a reason to punish myself for things that other people don't seem to do or have, so that's good. I can see what you mean, don't think I get this so much myself. If it makes me feel worse sometimes then it's more because it's showing me that it's real somehow, not imagined and not some kind of phase that will pass as soon as the reason that caused it passes. Not so easy to admit and accept that this reason is something that will probably not pass.