I am autistic and so is my child. All my family know about my child's diagnosis and some know about mine. Despite this, I feel intense rejection or isolation from some members of my family. As though every time my child gets upset the other children are whisked away and told it's not their fault (not that it is is there fault but it's the whisk them off and turn their back on my child which hurts). If any other child in my family was upset I would try and comfort them and reassure them. This doesn't seem to happen for my child (by some).
I feel such intense loneliness sometimes and that is my worse fear for my child; that they will be lonely. It hurts so incredibly much that some members of my family seem to struggle to accept us. It could be my own misinterpretation but it causes such anxiety and nausea.
Has anyone else felt this kind of rejection and loneliness and it be unfounded? I want it to be unfounded.
Yes to the rejection and loneliness. I'm sorry, but it isn't unfounded, even though you want that to be true, and probably quite badly, because logically all parents want the best for their children, and at a minimum want their children to be happy.
My adult son was apparently diagnosed with Aspergers many years ago (my ex-wife never bothered to tell me). He was socially isolated throughout his school years and was also bullied to some extent for being identifiably different to his peers.
He has ended up with a bunch of mental health challenges and after becoming suicidal because of the expectations and pressure (from the school he was in) has been seeing a psychologist and a therapist for his depression.
Despite suppressing my own feelings as a strategy to get me through life, I have my own "issues".
Such honest and heart felt replies.....I feel lonely most of the time and it can hurt a great deal.
i have times when I do connect.....and that hurts too, at times, just because it can make the loneliness even more stark.
i feel connected here...but then that puts even more sharply into frame my isolation offline x
I have spent years living with a ten-year-old's solution to that: putting up walls to the extent that you aren't even aware of what you're feeling half the time. On the plus side, it allowed me to function out in the world, and I could surmount challenges that might have stymied me if I'd let those troublesome feelings get in the way.
Of course, with this sudden realisation of ASD, those walls are crumbling a bit, and it's not very pretty. At least it hasn't gotten bad enough to start carrying a Samaritans card around in my wallet again, just in case.
I have stifled my feelings,my true wants and desires, I just assumed everyone did,or at least a lot of people did, why else would I see such sad people, those who show nothing and pretend to be what they assume others want, oh hang on I meant neurotypicals folks, I now know the difference, NT beings use deceit and lies to be what they are not, where as autistics try to be the perceived socially acceptable, they do not lie they try to adapt to what is wrong, no gain anticipated.
so I builtvwalls to keep me safe,
I apologise but my mind is experiencing a misty time right now, I am ok, just a bit floaty Lol.
over tired and been froze all day,feet burning hands too, brrrr.
Me too Ellie. Plus I’m too busy stressed and tired to even join in on here at the moment so feeling even more isolated. I think over time my feelings have changed about aloneness, solitude and loneliness. Sometimes I relish being alone and need solitude; at others the loneliness is acute both when I am with people or not especially at family gatherings when my situation is highlighted.
try to talk to your family and tell them how you would like you and your son to be treated. Show them what you want. Ask for their help and be open. They may be unsure of how to cope with you both. Also have you worked out which side of the family your sons autism is from? Could it be that others of your family are unknowingly on the spectrum too ? In which case they may have communication and interaction issues of their own. Even with one other family person who is willing to understand will help. I don’t know how you would go about this... maybe write down your thoughts then put it in an email to send to those you would like support from then when they have had time to think about it try talking to them. However if this doesn’t help you may feel even more rejected. I hope you get some family relationship advice from someone.
Misfit61 said:Sometimes I relish being alone and need solitude; at others the loneliness is acute both when I am with people or not especially at family gatherings when my situation is highlighted.
I also have that push-me-pull-you clash of wanting peace but also wanting connection....
the rest of the reply for me also? - as is also pertinent to me as well as the thread poster!!
Good to hear from you but I hope you are still able to enjoy reading the threads!
Thank you. I have tried explaining and don't really get a response. I have given them a book to read and agin it's just kind of ignored afterwards.