The best way to describe how my life feels at the moment is overwhelming.
My health and ability to cope with things has been deteriorating slowly over time and this is nothing unusual; I go through these phases and have done throughout my life.
What is different now is that everything seems so much more intense and the standard I have to work to are much higher. I can't get away with having a bad day or even bad month as nothing slows or stops to accommodate it. I am now a mature woman and as such, people expect me to tolerate and cope with the toils of life, but in fact I still struggle as I did back in my teens, just I hide it better.
As described in other posts, I have been back to my GP as a result of sensory issues and having shutdowns at work and I was told I would be referred to a specialist and would hear within 7 days etc. That was over a month ago...
My referral has been rejected twice already due to the facilities it has been referred to not being capable of dealing with 'my type of case'. Meanwhile it has now been referred to somewhere else and I am told to give it more time and be patient. That's all well and great when you are in a fit state to deal with everything. Why is it medical experts don't seem to realise time is not on your side in these situations as you are sliding faster down a slippery slope that becomes much harder to climb back up again. Also, instead of being referred for sensory issues, I have been referred for a mental health assessment. I am confused and flabbergasted by the whole thing.
As a result I am left feeling like I am trying to drastically hold onto sand that is slowly slipping through my fingers.
There are other personal factors that have probably contributed to how I am feeling and reacting as well, but the main issue is that I am now just functioning as in getting up and going to work and that has been hit and miss on occasions. My routines that I so strongly rely on to make sure I eat and eat healthy as well as keep my house clean and tidy, I can no longer achieve or even comprehend, which is only heightening my stress levels - I must follow these routines in order to feel calm and in control. My self-care has also lapsed and everything seems a massive chore. Even my special interests just seem too much to even think about or get actively involved in. To make matters worse, my partner is also going through a bad time, so he has his own battles to fight without having to deal with mine.
I am aware I am having an intense period of emotions and that they are bad, but I cannot differentiate what they are or even as to why I am feeling them or what lead me to this point. Not seeing the wood for the trees could be a possible issue.
Either way, I now don't know what to do.
I have no one to turn to and even if I did, I don't know what I would say or do as I cannot express myself verbally in these situations.
To summarise, I am tired and I know it is only a matter of time before I roll over and give in because I can't battle on any more. This is why I get so frustrated that everything surrounding mental health is based on time and the infinite amount of it apparently.
I am normally a good problem solver, but I can't see a way out of this one and that is what troubles me the most.
It will be little consolation i expect but i can identify with so much of your issues and Martian Tom's.
I am in a period of real struggle right now and i have been here before and it should improve but you do feel that you can't keep doing this indefinetly
I was disgnosed age 42 about 5 years ago and after the shock as i didn't even know what aspergers was(although i have always felt different and struggled with life) i expected there would be appropriate treatment to limit its effect but i am still trying to find some real practical help.As martian Tom said it seems that apart from medication there is little real help that makes a difference which makes it worse as you feel there is no light at the end of the tunnel.
I practice Trancendental mediation(TM) a number of times a day just to be able to function but you may want to look at this as it really helps with stress and anxiety and there are other benefits too.I work too and maybe if you did a 20 minute TM during your lunch break it would help you for the rest of the day and then 1 in the evening
I have done a bit of meditation before and have found that it does help with my anxiety so you are right to suggest that I should look into this again.
I have just seen my GP and have been signed off work for two weeks for anxiety with depression. I have just got to figure out how to break the news to my boss now as he won't be best pleased and the company isn't great at dealing with people with mental health illnesses.
I got asked the age of questions today by the GP of how can I help you? What can I do for you that will help you? She wanted to help and at least listened so that in itself is something, but I don't have the answers that they need. I am asking them for help as I don't know what to do and have exhausted all options that I can think of or have the power to implement. She reassured me that she would look into the matter to see what resources were available, but like you said in your post, there is little real help and medication isn't an option for me due to me being hypersensitive to it.
At the moment, I need that light at the end of the tunnel to keep me going and I am struggling to find it presently. I will try your recommendation of practicing meditation again and hope that my GP can fathom something in the meantime.
For me this is the worst stage, where you have battled on for so long and then you have no fight left in you and no solution to the situation. I hate feeling hopeless, but as always you have to grit your teeth, buckle up and battle through it.
I can identify with this so well Starbuck. I’m glad you have a kind and listening Gp. I have more or less decided that I just don’t have the fight left In me especially without support to do battle to appeal for the higher rate of pip. I know I will lose out financially but I just don’t have any stamina left so feeling annoyed with myself. I am attempting the beginnings of the couch to 5k and achieved the first week so will take it week by week and see how it goes. Like Blueray I’m back to basics. And like you intolerant to many drugs so natural remedies like eating well and getting out doors has to be my way. I have lived many times /years taking one day at a time. I hope your employers are more tolerant than you are expecting.
I can't believe that people in the most vulnerable and complex conditions are being made to fight and justify their illnesses to qualify for any support. I wonder how long it will take for it to sink in that people with complex conditions and needs, only return to work with the right help and support, otherwise you are just exasperating the situation.
I read on the news again this morning about the Torries meddling in this area - http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-42170801
I am all for people being helped back into work and being encouraged to work, but it can't just be a sticky plaster approach where one simple and high level approach suits all. The section on additional training for mental health professionals and individual support for those with mental health issues made me sigh. There are not enough medical professionals as it is and mental health is vastly underfunded and misunderstood by those pulling the strings.
Rant aside, I am glad you are trying the coach to 5K. I have done this before and have found it to be the best programme to gently build up your fitness. In fact, I was considering starting it again as a means of getting me outdoors more. I found a park a few miles from my house that has a running track and outdoor gym equipment that looks really good. I have cancelled my gym membership so this might be a nice free alternative.
I hope you are feeling a bit better Misfit61 as I know you have been through a rough time lately.
I know what you mean Starbuck. I have experienced how this works. One of my employment advisors ( he has a nice cushy job) gave me a good telling off when I admitted to him that I probably failed an interview when pressed to explain a specific gap in my employment history, I told the truth that I was recovering from heart failure and unable to work at that time. Although now I am fully fit and healthy. His big advice was that one cannot admit any weaknesses, or illnesses, or disabilities. Employers just don't want to know. One has to appear to be the perfect candidate with no baggage!
Robert123 said:His big advice was that one cannot admit any weaknesses, or illnesses, or disabilities. Employers just don't want to know. One has to appear to be the perfect candidate with no baggage!
Perhaps you might inform your employment advisor, and his superiors, regarding the following information:
Q If someone is taken on and it comes to light they have covered up a health condition, what steps can an employer take?
A If the employee has lied about their condition, the employer could argue there has been a breach of the duty of mutual trust and confidence. The employee’s employment could be fairly and lawfully terminated. The challenge for the employer is determining if the lie could justify termination and ensuring their actions are not discriminatory. If the employee provided the information as a condition of their employment and/or the employer relied on this information to recruit the employee, the employer could claim there has been a breach of the contract or a misrepresentation that led to the employer into entering into the contract. The employee could face a civil court claim to recover damages and to answer claims of fraud and negligence as has happened in the Cheltenham Borough Council High Court claim against its former managing director.
According to: https://www.personneltoday.com/hr/legal-qa-failure-to-disclose-illness/
That’s so right! Brilliant. It just goes to show, they’ll do anything to get us off their hands!
Interesting reading and you can see my dilemma.
Do I tell the truth when asked directly, do I lie, should I be economical with the truth.
The actual truth is:
Difficult to cover all that up.
Also, why the hell should you. To cover it up would be to somehow admit that there is something ‘wrong’ with all of that and that it somehow makes you less of a person. When in reality, most people at some point of their life will experience mental health problems to some degree, people experience heart trouble and there is most definitely nothing wrong with being autistic. I understand your dilemma, I was wondering do I disclose my diagnosis and history of mental health problems or not, because we have been conditioned, over the years, as a society, to hide this stuff but I think it’s time for us to stop hiding.
Robert123 said:Interesting reading and you can see my dilemma.
I think perhaps the dilemma is more of a problem for your employment advisor currently, for if you were to do as he suggested, you would run the risk seemingly of joining him on the wrong side of the Law.
Robert123 said:Do I tell the truth when asked directly, do I lie, should I be economical with the truth.
If you are asked directly on a written application or during an interview for paid employment, answer truthfully, as the application and interview are the basis for a legally binding contract involving employment, pay and rights ~ i.e. reasonable adjustments, union memberships and all that.
Considering then the following:
Robert123 said:The actual truth is:Heart failure, mostly recovered with medication.Depression with multiple suicide attempts with paracetamol.Autism and other mental health issues.I was anaemic for a couple of years.Difficult to cover all that up.
If you need to be economical with the facts of your health conditions, that is of course to an extent up to you. You are after all permitted to keep some things private if you so choose.
It is not advisable to "cover up' any details though about your health that are likely to effect your legal obligation as an employee ~ i.e. to do as contractually agreed upon when as such required by an employer.
As far then as you employment advisor is concerned, it might be worth writing a letter to the DWP stating your concerns upon the advice received, and ask for clarification upon that advice.
It might also be worth from this point on recording your conversations with DWP personal and so fourth in respect of finding employment, and stating this in the letter also.
As such you would then be in a better position to clarify, or have clarified conversational topic matters that you are not sure of, or do not understand ~ on account of the social communication, interaction and imagination impairments involved with being autistic.
If this seems to be a viable option for you, here is a link on recording conversations from a legal standpoint in the UK:
It might also be helpful to know the following information mentioned in the link above: