Published on 12, July, 2020
Hey everyone - I've been pretty inactive on the forums as I emigrated to Germany four years ago and have been struggling to find my feet here, but I secured a diagnosis, which was really a huge relief!
Anyway, I had the opportunity to give a TEDx talk and I would love to hear what you think about it... did I actually represent the Aspie community accurately? I should have asked beforehand, but honestly didn't think about how far this video would go afterwards - I'd hate to think that I have made anyone else's life more difficult by telling my own story!
I hope you enjoy the talk either way, and I've had some feedback from people saying that they could relate to this and honestly, that made ME feel more like I'm not alone! Emigrating has been tough - I am extremely socially isolated but dealing with that is a challenge. Either way, it was nice to reach out into the ether in an unconventional way and experience understanding. I hope you all find the same!!
Hello Saraip I am a Male aged 55, I watched your talk and very much understand pretty much all you have said, I also even as a male can associate with what it is like for you. There are variations in intensity on specifics but much the same as I have experienced. I can only imagine it is because each of us go through life with varied outside influences, these have a profound effect on us as we grow older.. I am sure I have been lucky in a way and unlucky in another, I have learnt to cope, I am able to adapt, not stand out in a crowd, it has been a constant battle to just exhist. It never felt right, I was indeed researching everything and finding strategies to overcome each hurdle as I came upon it. I researched And analysed very well,
The big problem is that having coped and adjusted for so many years I have lost who I am,or who I was.
Very sad and traumatic once I found out about autism and Aspergers specifically. I suddenly saw that although my task to fit in was going very well it wasn’t ever what I wanted. It was what I thought people just did.
I really liked you saying that to communicate well it would be better on a digital device sat next to somebody. I very much agree with that statement, I get to edit and think before typing, as I have writing this, I read it back through and misspellings would be like me mumbling my words, I can pour out my true feelings without giving the right facial expression,I can judge the reply by use of characters,a face in front of me verbalising would be impossible to understand.
Thank you for posting this, it has been good to hear your journey, and from my point of view as a male it does cover a lot of what being Aspergers or ASD is like.
one last thing,,,could I be so bold as to ask if I could maybe give you a little hug to show my appreciation? I only really hug virtually, in real life I cannot judge if it will be accepted or indeed if the intensity is correct depending on the situation.
we use () to signify a hug here! I would only wrap one arm around your shoulder and only for a very brief moment.
It is always great to hear that men can also relate to these issues because I got the impression from the media that this is not always the case... and I appreciate the virtual hug ()! I do feel like we try so hard to "fit in" that we actually forget that being honest and open is fundamental to connection... yet it is so frightening to be honest because previous experience has taught that we will often be rejected.
I am so glad that you related to the suggestion regarding no-talking dates - it is SO much easier to separate the communication and the interaction - I love being able to edit things, and try to check that what I am saying is as close to what I mean as possible, and that takes quite a bit of time. I am also frustrated that I'm expected to show attraction intuitively, when I find it to be a very rational process that requires a lot of thought... and the point about facial expression - I honestly thought that I was a LOT more expressive during the talk than I actually was! I've noticed that I often think that I am displaying more emotion than I am on the outside... further adding to the sense of disconnection when talking to neurotypicals who are not responding to certain things because they are not looking for them!
Anyway, it was really nice to hear that this is not just applicable to women and that men share these experiences. I really hope that I will have a chance to date someone with Asperger syndrome themselves so that we can hopefully really relate to each other.