How do you cope with low social status?

Hi, i have enough autism to be rubbish at all my jobs - clumsy, bad coordination, no memory, easily confused, never know what time or day it is, find it hard to follow conversation, useless at maths, physically weak, don't notice anything around me, no social skills etc etc - with no strengths or special interests. The problem is that i am always the one who is clearly worst at their job, way below average. However, i have adequate verbal production skills so people aren't able to ascribe my mistakes to my learning disabilities as they do with people who are 'obviously' learning disabled (slow or limited speech etc). This means that i am always bad at it and colleagues are always glancing at each other as i make another mistake yet again, or worse (whispering, laughing, when i come in the room when they're sharing my latest stupid error.) Now i'm extremely lucky, as they tolerate me here, for the first time i haven't got sacked, and it only happens as a result of what i did and happens to everyone when they make mistakes and isn't malicious. But mentally and emotionally i find it hard to cope with, partly because i have never been emotionally close to anyone ever so i can't talk to anyone about it (internet means nothing to me so can't help), and partly because i'm sick of the normal childish coping methods (fantasies of being different, clever, powerful, or of revenge 'i'll show them'). When you're stupid at school, pretending one day they'll realise you're a wizard or planning to one day be a super-spy are fine as you'll escape into real life. But i'm rather sick of the adult equivalent. There isn't an area of life or an interest in which i shine (i don't really want one but i can see it would help if you did). Instead i need to not mind being backward and having low social status because of it. I don't mind when i'm not at work, but i spend forty hours a week there and make constant mistakes, dyspraxic ones which aren't going to go away, so i'd like a way of emotionally coping. Intellectually i accept my status fine, but i really need to stop getting a bit cross and upset about it at work. (I don't mean meltdowns or anxiety, i mean sulky or grumpy.) A lot of people here must be in the same boat, so i'd love to know how you cope! Thanks.

nb unskilled manual labour constantly around other people, in sales, not office job or management etc

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  • Some people are obsessed with social status.  Even at school with teenagers it was social games and status.  I being antisocial, never participated.

    One anecdote I remember. I was once talking with my sister about someone being very middle class, my niece interrupted, "what's middle class?", My sister answered, "it's people who think they are better than us, but they aren't".

  • So, Robert123....what is Autistic ? And what is the perceived social status in your mind, from societies perspective? 

  • I believe, although I have not done any comprehensive research.  Or seen any research.  It is just my personal opinion.

    That societies perceived social status of autistics is very low.  Although many respected figures are, or have been suspected of being autistic. Such as Newton and Einstein.

  • I agree DeepThought...society is a puzzle which needs its pieces or various shapes, sizes, and attributes to survive...

    leach piece is of equal worth and value ...without each each nothing can be “complete”

    good to hear from you by the way

  • Elephantintheroom said:

    So....is it because our perceived “usefulness”...is not always transparent to the NT world....they are too linear and funnelled in their thinking that maybe they lack the perception that alternate ways of being and thinking and doing can exist and be purposeful....

    In some parts of world where spiritualism or religion have not been politically hijacked and converted to 'survival-of-the-elitist' materialism, or put to an end ~ remains certain cultures where being different is a fundamental principle that is essential to such cultures.

    In Canada, a couple had come with their young child to an autistic diagnosis centre. The father was a big time financial accountant, and the mother was a particularly successful artist and illustrator, and it turned out that both mother and father had Asperger's Syndrome also ~ the fully functional variety!

    The diagnostic specialist had never met fully functional Aspergians before, and was somewhat baffled as to how this couple could index so highly yet be so functional in social terms.

    The young specialist checked for literature, called up colleagues, and colleagues called up their colleagues, but there was only hypothesis. So it was suggested to the specialist that inquiries might be made with the family.

    It turned out that they were brought up in a spiritual community that was protected from outside 'materialistic' influences, and that as allowed their members to find there place in the community ~ according to their individual abilities.

    Rather a big research gig was established with the families community and other communities of the same calling, and the researchers lived and worked amongst them according to the communities rules.

    The interesting thing being that Asperger's syndrome, autism and neurological divergence is an essential component for such healthy societies, as suffered no mental illness nor serious illnesses.

    Who would of imagined that ~ hey? Rolling eyes

  • Ignoring autism for the moment.  I just find this obsession with social status a mystery.

    I found myself in the middle of these social status rows when I was at school in the 1970s.

    After I was discharged from my second stay in a special school, I was back in a mainstream middle school.  There we were streamed by ability in certain subjects.  There was a slow, middle & fast stream.  And to encourage academic achievement,  it was informally linked  to social status ( As I discovered).

    I was initially placed in the slow maths class.  At the end of year exams I was top by a large margin and I was promoted to the middle stream.  The boy who came second in the exams was very upset because he was staying in the slow class. Up to then we had been fairly friendly.  But after that he never spoke to me again although we were in the same classes for other subjects.

    After a month in the middle stream we were tested again and I came top of the class by a big margin. I was moved to the fast stream.  The girl who came second blew her top, and blamed me openly for stealing her place in the top class.  Other pupils explained to me later  that this was a social status situation.

    I thought the whole thing was silly.

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  • Ignoring autism for the moment.  I just find this obsession with social status a mystery.

    I found myself in the middle of these social status rows when I was at school in the 1970s.

    After I was discharged from my second stay in a special school, I was back in a mainstream middle school.  There we were streamed by ability in certain subjects.  There was a slow, middle & fast stream.  And to encourage academic achievement,  it was informally linked  to social status ( As I discovered).

    I was initially placed in the slow maths class.  At the end of year exams I was top by a large margin and I was promoted to the middle stream.  The boy who came second in the exams was very upset because he was staying in the slow class. Up to then we had been fairly friendly.  But after that he never spoke to me again although we were in the same classes for other subjects.

    After a month in the middle stream we were tested again and I came top of the class by a big margin. I was moved to the fast stream.  The girl who came second blew her top, and blamed me openly for stealing her place in the top class.  Other pupils explained to me later  that this was a social status situation.

    I thought the whole thing was silly.

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