What was your epiphany? how did you know/think you were ASD?

What led you seek diagnosis? 

  • Hello to all.

    I thought I would bring this post back towards the top of the listings as it seemed to be a topic viewed by many(983) and quite a few replies, It is nice to hear how the sudden realisation was discovered by individuals, It May if kept going give pointers as to where best to reach out to those who have yet to discover what has been unknown for so long, the reasons of feeling like you never belong.

    I am so thankful I stumbled upon the FB story,it has changed my life, I now understand who I am, why everything was such hard work when growing up.

    so many questions have been answered,

    The people on here have been truly amazing, so supportive and never a wrong word uttered, kind compassionate people.even those that come here to find answers them selves unwittingly describe something I never thought about before but fits a part of my life.I can share my own issues with them to give reassurance and to let them know they are not alone anymore.

    So just a very long thank you to all.

    () x

  • Edited to remove personnel information. Ie a name?

    .rules 2 and 3.

    A name seen by thousands on Facebook and used to promote autism awareness.

    And is an adviser on the scope website  for ASD advice.

    I apologise for contravening the rules. Just thought I had better give reason to others as to why it was removed.

  • i didn't, i got it. I've never had an epiphany. I've tried my hardest to believe that everything written about autistic people is true of me (good at believing random stuff because used to be fundamentalist religious). Never 'felt' it though. Never met an autistic person or read an account of autism that related to my experiences. Score zero on the AQ. Score zero on the EQ too [ie no empathy], definitely have autism, but just a form with no sensory, special interest, maths, high iq, social shyness or such stuff. Just inability to form relationships with people at any level or communicate, never met an autistic person with those problems, forever and throughout their whole life.

  • Maybe you have always been you....but now you just know how to address yourself.....

    not all that bad?.......mmmmmm.....I hope not....!...but you might have got a few NTs worried! Joy 

  • Thank you ellie,yes just to exhist as me would be nice,

    After all I am not all that bad.

    x()

  • ) ( said:
    It saddens me to think I have followed the perceived guidelines just to fit and exhist. I want to be me,

    I can identify with that...

  • Cannot believe I haven’t given my story.

    Ah well here I go! It’s very long,,,,better get comfortable,,,,(the journey hasn’t ended yet)

    Was sat reading Facebook when I saw a poster thing from scope the charity, it was about a lady she was diagnosed at fourty plus years old,her son had been already diagnosed, I was used to seeing many posters about ASD,autism,dyslexia and such as my eldest daughter is studying to teach with special needs children,she posts them to give more awareness.

    I sat and read the ladies story.

    Each sentence matched my life.every single thing, I could not believe how accurately it matched my experiences and thoughts,

    I ended up crying and then angry, I was a mess, I suddenly realised my whole way of life had a reality to it. I wasn’t on my own. My never fitting in. The seeing the world as if I wasn’t there,behind a glass screen. Wondering why everyone did what they did.feeling like I was from another planet?

    her name is [edited by moderator], she now volunteers on the scope web forum, I immediately went to the scope site and joined, I found it interesting but had little information.

    so in true ASD style I researched it thoroughly. I came here and learnt so very much from the members. I was sure I was high functioning autistic, but things didn’t quite add up. Most but not all?

    I had researched Aspergers but discounted it as I am very emotional and often cry or feel sad. I have huge empathy and feel others pain. I help my worst enemy even. I bear no grudges ever.

    One day I did the aspie quiz! It hit me hard, I scored 187/200.ND .

    I did the short AQ test and scored 10/10, then the full AQ test got 41/50,

    my EQ came out as poor.

    I had a massive down turn,people on here pulled me up and saved my sanity,

    I carried on desperately searching for answers, my life was indeed as aspie Male, but,,,,big but, the emotional side didn’t add up.

    I then realise a friend on here had already hinted to me by giving me a link to aspie women? I had read it but didn’t see the link to me, upon re reading it apparently there is now a theory that the brain can be male or female in emotional state,

    Sounds strange and it is, it took me a long time to think it through, it’s not about gender likes or dislikes but a way of feeling emotionally.

    my friend said I had been trying to fit a wrong pattern, they also knew I was probably Aspergers but let me find it out myself.

    I still find certain traits that I didn’t think were specific to ASD which fit my life. Tick tick the boxes keep getting ticked.

    So on the 03/02/2017 @ 19:00 hrs I had my epiphany reading on face book.

    I am researching the facts of all this now, I am assembling things for my visit to the GP. I am looking for a formal diagnosis. I know the reality at my age is slim, but if you don’t ask you don’t get.

    I need the reason and justification for my life. I have shared many common issues as you all have, I now believe it will allow me to be me.The being I have shut away for most of my life, It saddens me to think I have followed the perceived guidelines just to fit and exhist. I want to be me,

    thank you for reading, I am known for long rambles Lol.

    I also believe from an early age I have dyslexia, always thought that was my problem,it covered many things but not enough,I still know I have dyslexia.hardly a day goes by when I find new research for dyslexia which ticks yet another box,or gives me a clearer understanding of who I am.

    ()x

    670V

    44R

    [Edited by Ayshe Mod]

  • I saw a TV documentary which featured a woman with aspergers who does talks about it and realised I was very much like her. Immediately looked on the internet and found the AQ test and was shocked at the result, but later found the Tania Marshall website and like you other ladies on here was going yes, yes, yes, that's me, but Isn't that how most women are? Now I know it's not, but I like being "different". Like Chris Packham, it makes me good at what I do. I like being me and wouldn't want to be NT.

  • For me, since probably finishing school I started making a mental list that ran through my mind at times of all the things I found difficult towards life, relationships and interacting with other people. For years I saw each "item" as a separate issue without considering that they might add up to something larger. Certainly not ASD as my examples were what I had seen on TV/film which were not at all like me. In terms of epiphanies, I had two.

    On 11th September 2015 however I went to a funeral for one of my aunts and quite a few of what I now know to be autistic traits all occurred at the same time. Sadly they also ticked a lot of things on personality disorders so I followed that route first.

    Then on 26th November 2016 I happened to be hearing a speech somebody made where they quoted something their autistic child had said, about what it was like being autistic. I was like "wait a minute, that's how I feel..." After that for a laugh really I tried the AQ10 and then the full AQ scoring 10 and 43 respectively. I was actually really surprised by that result, my EQ score I'm not repeating (!). That's how I ended up pursuing formal diagnosis resulting in diagnosis of Asperger's this year.

  • Throughout my life, from an early age, I struggled: with school, with friendships, with social situations.  I had this thing in my head for many years that I was somehow 'different' and I didn't know why.  I used to worry all the time that people were secretly conspiring about me or gossiping about me behind my back.  I knew I was intelligent (Mensa-tested IQ of 148 at age 22), so I couldn't understand why I had problems with learning certain things that would seem to be a matter of simple commonsense.  I just came to accept that I was odd.  But I didn't really know why.

    It all came together for me about 6 years ago, in my early 50s, when I was seeing a therapist after having a suicidal breakdown.  Over the weeks, she delved further and further back to my childhood and my behaviour and developmental issues.  Then one day, she asked if I'd ever considered if I was on the autistic spectrum.  She encouraged me to take the AQ test.  I was astonished at my score of 42.  Now, at last, I thought I'd gotten to the root of it all.  My diagnosis confirmed it.  But it was that day, in that room, when she made that suggestion... then, later, taking that test.  That was it.  Eureka!

  • I don't know if it was a particular stimulation/thing/event ... but I started reading about Autism/Asperger's (maybe unconsciously I noticed something). This caused me to reflect on my personal history and patterns, and I recognized several traits. And then I took several online quizzes which confirmed my suspicion (if that's the right word).

    I was quite disturbed by this and sought professional counseling but no one I contacted wanted to deal with me -- the indication I got was since I was older and a professional and have a family, I've obviously learned to cope ...

    I'm still disturbed by the idea on the one hand (literally, as I write this, I can feel the physical stress), but on the other, it's comforting to be able to put a name to my condition.

  • A colleague at work, quite bizarrely I’ve always worked in this field, but never realised I fitted a lot of the key identiers. A colleague was diagnosed as a teenager, and asked my out of the blue about my diagnosis, I informed him I don’t have a diagnosis and don’t have Aspergers. He laughed and proceeded to list all my traits and pointed things out I’d never realised about myself until that moment. I came home and spent the next few weeks researching, doing the online tests, including empathy etc, speaking to my wife and looking back at my childhood.

  • I saw a film - Clay Matzo, Jast Add Water, Tony Attwood explains some ASD traits in the film and I knew that's what I've experienced for years - 5 years after seeing that film with almost every person saying it was nonsense, other than 1 doctor who believed me - i got a diagnosis.

    that was just over a year ago - I'm glad I did - help is very slow though and official services are not good at all - local Autism groups and charities are helpful - but I need a lot more help than I recieve

  • I think it is a self preservation reflex

  • True...I crave it.....but choose to ignore it if it happens

  • Sounds like a horrible spiral x is there any help we can offer x

  • that who appreciation thing. if it goes above a certain level, i also cant cope! although deep down you want it, but dont want it.

  • Both my boy's struggle and School has now picked up on it too. My oldest who is 10 was being referred to cahms but he somehow got lost in the system and because he improved in School, I didn't chase it up. My youngest is very different to my oldest son, but he struggles more with mood swings, violence, hyper activity, difficulties with writing and since starting in year three he has really been down. The last parents meeting his teacher suggested talking to our local GP.
    I recently watched the programme on TV with the guy from Autumn watch and I felt like we could be related. I have always known I was different or weird, but I just grew up thinking everything I did/say/feel, was wrong so I started hiding it or working around it. It affects me so much though and I have problems getting a job, keeping it and don't earn enough money. I am self employed now but I lack the social/structure part of the job so I don't get enough clients because of that. I mostly sit and hide at home every day, working on my computer in blissful peace.

  • NeuroTypical,  non autistic. 

    Neuro Diverse, is ND. Autistic!