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"Different not less" - to be honest, I disagree

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I'm so sorry to be potentially controversial and I really don't want to cause any upset, but I feel this is a place where we should be able to express our opinions as autistic people and I totally disagree with the "different not less" thing.

As an Aspie, I believe I am less. I believe I would be a better, more effective person if I was neurotypical. I believe I would be a better daughter and a proper big sister, who could give her younger sisters advice on boys, friends etc. I believe I wouldn't have spent most of my life being mocked and shamed. People patronise me and make me feel like a freak. I can't hold down a job or go to university due to mental health issues I wouldn't have if I wasn't on the spectrum. I'm not a proper woman as Asperger's is not a feminine thing. I have I could go on, but I'm just exhausted today.

I just don't understand this "autism can be a gift" thing. If it was a "gift" then why would it be a medical diagnosis? Why would it be something that parents dread to the point that, even though that whole thing about the MMR vaccine has been disproved, they still don't want to risk their child having the vaccination unless it makes them autistic?

Sitting here close to tears. I just can't bear this pain - I find myself overwhelmed and crying in public places. I despise my autism.

Feeling you are less is common when you're depressed. I most certainly have done a lot.

It's not a 'gift'; but how much of a curse you make it is ultimately down to you. You will be able to find your niche in life, I am sure. You're clearly a good writer considering the post you've just made it. Don't give up, things will work out in the end, I am sure.

Also, why isn't Asperger's a feminine thing? I'm sure there are plenty of women who have it.

I totally get you, I am forever being reminded of how much I lag behind everyone, and how much more they are able to do with their lives, and trying to keep up with them is tiring and depressing when I know I can't. I am 25 and have never had a full-time job, because quite frankly I couldn't handle the unpredictability and long days and would get sick to death of explaining what adjustments I need.

I agree that it is a hindrance more than it is an advantage (like for me, remembering peoples' birthdays is hardly as useful as being able to interact as and when I'd like) but I feel that it is a hindrance largely because of the way society operates, which is artificial, it isn't a rule of nature (in my view) that it is a disadvantage or it wouldn't still persist.

Things like the 9-5 working day, and people being vague, or expecting you to do multiple things at once, aren't necessarily things that we need to do to survive, they are artificial constructs of the modern world and our increasingly busy and hectic lifestyles.