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Well this has all been very cosey and quite fun for a bit. The PCT in surrey delivered its verdict today over six years after my first knock on the door. NO you cannot get assessed at the lorna wing centre. No you cannot have treatment at a trauma clinic. So I must get back on the merry go round. There is no adult autism health care provision in surrey.

Hey ho. Well I am off to crawl back under the silent invisible rock I came out from under, I have been my own doctor, councellor carer and trauma specialist my whole life.

To the people who helped along the way I owe much grattitude.

The statement is an apperition that will eventually appear, the psycotherapy will no longer be required and they will be please of the quick vacant spot to fill eagerly.

It has been my experience in the excitement of the possibility of being recognised and the wake if stating "I Exist" that life has moved on in the 35 years I have hidden under a rock. NaHHHHHHHHH we take better care of the cows in the westcountry, than people care for people in the east in my experience.

So tarra and take care the hansard bill will be effective in a couple of generations and the rest will be history.

I for one will not beg for crumbs under tables any longer. I will not ask for help again, and the medical profession is not a safe go to place. Be warned.

It has been fun but the chineese understand HOPE is a deamon and brings only pain and dissaster, my finding is so.



Hi Wolfbear,

I'm really, really sorry to hear about your experience. It's obviously been very traumatic to hear that they won't offer you the assessment and treatment you've been looking for.

That certainly doesn't mean that we don't still won't you to be a part of this Community and continue to share your experiences here. It may be that other people have been through a similarly frustrating and disappointing experience and may be able to help, you may also find people just to talk to.

Our Community Care service may be able to talk you through your options and any way you can find to address the decision that's been made. Why not try calling them and arranging a chance to talk, if you haven't before.

I know that must seem like starting a whole process again but it may be that they help you keep moving forward, despite the set back you've had. 

Certainly consider calling before you decide not to continue with psychotherapy and other services you've been offered.

If you're feeling down and would like to talk to someone 24 hours a day then the Samaritans are always available to listen. If using the telephone isn't a problem then you call them on 08457 90 90 90. They also have other ways to get in touch, the details of which you can find on their website.

I know I've enjoyed reading your messages, so regardless of what you decide about continuing to use the Community or look for support from your health services, thank you for what you've shared so far.

Please consider continuing to use the Community Wolfbear.  I have also enjoyed your input.  Some of it insightful, some confusing but nonetheless thought provoking and some really helpful.  It would be a shame to lose your contribution.  I have a 10 year old son with Asperger's and to hear the experiences of adults helps me understand part of what he may have to face.   Sorry if that sounds selfish on my part when you are obviously upset but I think you can do a lot of good on here.  In my opinion this confirms that "You Exist"

Please don't go...


Your contributions to the community have been amazing and it certainly would not be the same without your posts. 

Your perspective on the world is a great help to many people.  As Aspiemum says you have given a fantastic insight to the world of an adult autistic person which is so helpful to a parent of an autistic child growing up in the world today.  You cannot under estimate the help your posts give and how you influence people and their lives.

Please don't stop contributing to the community.  We would miss you.


Can i ask why a diagnosis is important, and what kind of support you are seeking, there may be other ways round it.

Are you aware of the NAS ASSIST service in Godalming, Surrey?  Although they can't give a formal diagnosis, they can do an assessment and offer support.

Read the peoples words, thanks. Who knew !


The rocks under which we crawl and the darkness in which we live is as much a place of rebirth as it ever was and we are for ever safe in the cold and dark we call home.


As for the Go TO PLACES

Whilst I know that it is intended to direct and enhance the opportunity and possibilities. Assist Godalming was not a good thing in the long run and far less geared to adult complex needs. whilst the genuine intent was there the ability was not, and my departure to pleasant "it was nice to meet you's" were just another hole in the net of adult options.

Diagnosis is a passport and the indifference and flimsy efforts of the local PCT are offensive and derisory, leaving only the most basic of opportunity.

I have lived throughso many fashions when it comes to our status and its social perceptions and values. There is little in the actions of the medical profession, government departments or assisting bodies that I have experienced to alter my compounded scepticism of any of them being at all interested in the wellbeing of autistic individuals or theis life outcomes and prognosies.

I am an island and whilst the rock on which I have built my life has moved from impermiable and full of anger to ameanable and cooperative, like the performing bears of foreign lands don,t ever get too close if you alow my claws to grow back.

I still have the rage of ages with the control of environmental demand, and a wealth of experience of injustice an unspoken witness to the free callous of all remembered failiers and intentions of easy choice that were chosen for me in the passage of neuro typical do-gooding and blindness.

When we sing the ever present tune that YOU ARE NOT LISTENING we are trying to form a chorus of simplicity that will prompt a light bulb moment in your experience but I think that we are crying in the wilderness and that the ears of the deaf have more chance of percieved comprehention than tha ppopulous at large who hold power over the directions and opportunities our lives might hold.


saying it how it is for us. 


The Samaritans

These people do a sterling job and have saved many a desperate and sorrowful individual from desparation and much else, but I am not in such need and desperation is an impotence of experience so well embedde that blaeeteing to some one else about it only compoundes the experience.

Whilst ther eare those who maty benifif from the milk of human kindness the human bit of me has been amatter of question for o long that ther are things I no longer consider in order to remain healthy.

I have long gone past the stages of deep loss and tears and the 5 stages of catatonia are the memories of long walks and open fields an moments of frozen isolation that lasted long enough, for silence, desperation, grief, cold, terror, loss and fear to dissapate into the reasonings of a desperate mind and far far beyond.

"You are on your own" is a mantra that birthed a reality that is admired as "almost" normal; Who would know, you can't tell, and other celebrations that belie the horrors of personal journey that quantifies the dance of the bear in me that my history has demanded. 

The celebrations of my near normallity is my nightmare and not a reason to celebrate. I have Normalise the abnormal in tterms that have not yet been percieved and flipped the meaning of normal so many times that i can believe in santa, jesus, and goblins in the garden, The idea of psycedelic is a trip of ability without drugs I can achieve as a form of entertainment while you think my nail biting is anxiety.

My beautiful world in the face of and inspite of the cruel expectations and extreeme demands is not one I will ever surrender easily, the counter offers is kind of poor.


Our AS cosmology is way ahead, quit with the dissorder and admit you just don't understand yet!

Hello Wolfbear,
We were wondering how you were. Is there anything specific that the community members can help you with?
Alex – mod